PSYCHED

The SCUBA Attempt

2011-11-17T16:02:00.005+08:00

On 10-11-2011, Ally attempted to discover what scuba diving is all about. *pats self on the back*

There's not much to say, really. It was a short course, only 1.5 hours.

Learnt how to clear the goggles underwater, how to use the regulator, and most importantly, how to retrieve the regulator in the event it comes off underwater. Also did a lap in the full gear. 1 lap! Too little, i must say. Went for the course alone, was scared shit. Glad it went alright though and even made some new friends. Felt some tightness in chest when breathing using the regulator. Thought I was the only one feeling that way, but turns out, the other 2 girls I made friends with also felt the same way!

Conclusion?

- Maybe scuba diving not really my thing. I don't think my chest can take it, considering my asthma problem.

- The adrenaline rush of being out of my comfort zone is crazy. But it is at times like this that I learn to have more faith in my capabilities.

Fear is always holding me back. But i'm glad that this time, I did not let fear win.

Found this composition on Google. Author unknown but these are wise words indeed.

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. When you dare to face the things that scare you, you open the door to freedom and success.

Most of your obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them or procrastinating about dealing with them, you make up your mind to walk boldly through them.

Don't be afraid to take the steps you need to take to make those positive changes in your life. To fight your fears, you must act. Your fears increase when you wait, put off, or postpone. If you understood your situation enough, you would never be afraid.

The attainment of your dreams is but a determined action away. Successful people take action."

How inspirational. :)

Now, to end this post with a really uncomplimentary picture of me. :p

Cheers!

Surrender All

2011-09-30T22:55:00.004+08:00

You are my Savior I owe everything to
Take all I am, Lord and all that I cling to

Take all the treasures that lie in my storehouse

They cannot follow when I enter Your house

So I...surrender all to You

I...surrender all

Take all my cravings for vain recognition

fleshly indulgence and worldly ambition

I want so much Lord, to make you my focus

To serve You in secret, and never be noticed

Take all my hunger, for all that's forbidden

Every desire, and sin I keep hidden

Search me and know me, I want to bring to You

a life that is holy, and sanctified thru You...

Surrender All - Rich Dalmas

Missions

2011-09-20T09:28:00.005+08:00

A greatly inspiring video of Mr. Narayanan Krishnan.

I love how he aptly states the core message of this video.

"What is the ultimate purpose of life?
It's to give. Start giving. See the joy of giving."
"Food is one part, love is another part. So the food will give them physical nutrition. The love and affection which you show, will give them mental nutrition."

I hope this video will stir many hearts and ignite the passion for missions within them.

There's no greater joy and satisfaction in the world than knowing that we are able to make a meaningful difference in the life of others, to be a vehicle of blessing to others.

Can't embed the video. But to view it, here's the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S74HuDIRa4&feature=player_embedded

Finding the good in hatred

2011-06-15T14:07:00.005+08:00

Knowing that you're hated is definitely not a good feeling.

But reading these few quotes from Forbes Asia, being hated doesn't seem like such a bad thing anymore. Hahaha. Here's why.

Hatreds generally spring from fear or envy. - Machiavelli

( You hate me because you fear/envy me. It's comforting to know that at least I have something worth being envious about! :) )

To be loved is fortunate, but to be hated is to achieve distinction. - Minna Antrim

( To be hated is a sign that there's something distinctive about me! :) )

Hating makes the hater hateful. - Malcolm Forbes

( I think this is rather self explanatory :) )

WOW, WHAT OPTIMISM!

So.....I went googling more Haters quote! Here's more good ones to share!

If you don't like me, remember, it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Haters only hate the things that they can't get and the people they can't be.

Love me or hate me, either way, i'm on your mind.

Epic blonde moments

2011-06-07T16:06:00.003+08:00

Blonde moment #1 :

On June 4, 2011, while on the MRT heading back to Hougang.

Ally : Ninda, check out that girl. She reminds me of the Ice Queen.

Ninda : Ice Queen?! Huh?

Ally : The Ice Queen, from Narnia. Don't you know that movie? It's so famous!
Ninda : Ice Queen? You mean White Witch?

Ally : Oh yeah! That's the name...White Witch...

Ninda : Aiyoh...Ally!

(I said Ice Queen because I remembered her ice castle and how "cold" she was so my brains automatically processed the name as Ice Queen.)

Blonde moment #2 :

On June 6, 2011, while chatting with Sam on Skype.

Sam : I am x-men
Ally : I am cloud

Sam : Huh? Is there such a character?

Ally : There was a girl called Cloud right? She controls the weather.

Sam : OH MY GOSH
U R SOOOOOO BLONDE
its STORM
aiyooo what would you do without me?

Ally : Oh yeah! That's the right name. Rings a bell now. -_-'''

(I remembered she controlled the weather, and scenes of the clouds turning grey from one of the earlier X-Men movie came to mind. Again, my brain processed the image and automatically processed the name as Cloud.)

Seems like I've been rather blonde lately. =p

2011-05-25T15:54:00.005+08:00

Systems and processes are created for a reason. That there may be an order to the way things are done. And if everyone follows this order in the right manner, life would be so much better; increased efficiency, zero confusion, added value, thereby improving customer satisfaction.

When I was dropping Sam off at Puduraya the other day, I was so cheesed off with what I observed and experienced first hand from some of the bus operators and drivers from K*nsorti*m. Mind you, K*nsorti*m is one of the major provider in this field!

The Puduraya bus terminal has undergone a massive facelift and it seems to be quite a good progress or improvement from the past. Bus schedules of all the different bus operators and the different destinations bound are listed on screen, implemented to the likes of LCCT and KLIA. The huge, clean, comfortable, air-conditioned waiting area and automated sliding doors to the boarding area was pretty impressive honestly!

So 15 minutes before Sam's bus was due to depart, we both went down to the boarding area to look for the designated bus as projected on the screen earlier. It says P19 (Platform 19) , PFT 6688. When we got down, the specified bus was not at sight. A different one was. So naturally, passengers began asking the Konsortium staff if this is the bus. That fella confidently said "No, this is not the bus. Go to the double decker bus outside of the Puduraya Terminal. That's the bus to your location." Since he said it with such confidence, and considering that he is a Konsortium staff, of course people would take his word for it. So everyone went out of the platform area to the double decker buses waiting just outside of Puduraya. Upon getting there, the bus clearly stated "To Kamunting". Ok, i'm starting to get a weird feeling about this. And so i told Sam something isn't right. Cause it just doesn't feel right. His bus was suppose to depart at 5.00pm. But we've been standing around the area till 5.20pm and the bus driver was making no attempts to even start the engine! So we walked a little further and say 2 Konsortium guys in uniform and decided to ask them. (Again, because they wore the uniform, they would be considered a reliable source for information). We told him the entire situation, saying that we're suppose to board PFT 6688 bound for Penang according to the screen but we were directed here. Is this the bus? How come it's different? That dude said "Oh, memang macam itu. Tak boleh ikut skrin punya. Sistem itu untuk tunjuk saja." So i asked him back. "Kalau tak boleh ikut skrin, kenapa ada sistem canggih macam ini tapi tak ikut?" He replied "Biasalah".

His explanation still left me feeling very unsettled, and very worried, considering what happened int he recent Cameron Highlands bus crash and also because I didn't want Sam missing his bus back due to boarding the wrong bus. Anyway, because parking in Puduraya was so expensive, I had to rush to quickly exit the parking, before they charge me an additional RM2.80 for exceeding the hour by 5 mins. Despite the paranoia and skepticism, I had to leave with faith that he will be alright, and so will the bus be. After I left, thankfully Sam decided to clarify with another guy sitting around nearby who seemed like the bus driver and guess what? The driver said "No, this bus does not go to Penang." Sam quickly ran into the platform in Puduraya, where the bus was designated to be initially, and guess what again! PFT 6688 was there this time. The system works! The buses do follow this system!

Now, why do we deserve to be angry? Here's why. Despite procedures and processes being established for the improvement of current operations, some people and companies are just plain lazy to follow, for plain dumb reasons - the typical too-complacent-to-change syndrome. And it was thanks to these kind of people, that got us (and probably many many more) misled to think that the new system is a flop, as expected of many government projects. They do not realize that a possible consequence to their foolish action and mindset is the real hindrance of EFFECTIVE operational progress and improvement.

It is also thanks to people like these that the country can't develop as progressively as it should. And this applies to work as well! In every corporation/SME, there will be people like these. And as long as they are not made (be it forced or gently) to change, they will continue to be like this, continue to affect others to being like them too, and therefore, keep this undesirable attitude in existence, which slowly mutates into a culture, carried on from one generation to another.

The core change that needs to be done is not so much of the operating system - it is the MINDSET of the "operators".

The fragility of friendship

2011-05-11T08:56:00.004+08:00

As I was driving to work today, flashbacks of certain incidents at work came to mind. And it left me feeling really antsy when I entered the office this morning.

A colleague whom I thought was a friend, has been backstabbing me behind my back, somewhat "educating" a new staff that joined and even other colleagues of all the "privileges" I get at work, of how presumably I may have an affair with the boss, how terrible my attitude is, how bossy I am, and the list goes on and on and on. Mind you, she was of a different company (a sister company), under a completely different payroll, different reporting authorities and completely different job-scopes! For her to be making such accusations from the sideline, to the extent of degrading my morality, and spreading it around to the entire office is just way out of line. Though sad that our so-called friendship has taken this turn, I'm glad she left the company. But the pain and scar of her sting remains, even till this very day.

What saddens me is that it made me realize how fragile our friendship was. How fragile friendships can generally be. How this world is a stage and everyone is playing out their roles, putting on a facade, a mask! Despite the many times she was being insensitive, hurling blunt and sarcastic comments at me, lashing out her tantrums and mood-swings at me, I took it all in and tolerated because that was the right thing to do. At least it felt right at that point of time, but in hindsight now, I realized I should have done something about it. I should have defended myself. I should have made her realize on those instances how crudely insensitive she was being. I should have stood up against the status quo. But I didn't. My fear held me back. Why? Because I didn't want to start a war and cause more damage.

That being said, I have to admit, I am not one who just forgives and forgets. Albeit it being an undesirable trait, it is the epitome of human frailty. And that's what i am, merely human..and an imperfect one..

So here I am, feeling betrayed, feeling the need to have closure, to confront her for her actions because someone needs to stand up to her, wake her up from that delusional mindset she has that everyone else is problematic except her, and tell her the consequences of telling tales (not facts) of someone else can be THAT detrimental and how it is absolutely wrong! Coming in to the office day by day, seeing the very same faces of those who were accomplices to some extent, though not necessarily in the same capacity, just keeps reminding me of this emotional baggage I carry. I wish i could cut the weight loose, but doing so, might come with consequences. And i'm not sure if i can deal with the consequences. Sigh.

This is one of the reasons I do not enjoy work as much anymore. I believe people are a very important aspect to any organization. Having a balanced dynamics is a crucial factor to a company's well-being and success and in some significant way, employee performance and passion as well. But here I am, stuck in this rut, where I have learnt the hard way that no one can ever be trusted, and how, in the midst of their insecurities, people will just find a way to attack because in their minds, I am the cause of their insecurity. Yet another lesson I've learnt. Not to let people read your emotions easily or tell them how you feel because even the slightest, most innocent of comments, somehow, Colleague A will tell Colleague B and colleague B, being the insecure person he is, will act out of emotions and do things that will disrupt whatever dynamics/trust/respect there is left in the relationship.

So here I am, frustrated and feeling the desperate need to do devotion this morning, and guess what? God's timing is ever as perfect again! I logged into www.ymiblogging.org , my regular devotion site, and the devotion of the day from ODB reads "The Benefit of the Doubt". A very common phrase used in legal matters. And it talks about how perhaps, we as Christians, can apply this legalistic term into our daily relationships as well. Quoted here, an excerpt of the passage.

love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Leon Morris, in the Tyndale New Testament Commentaries, says this about the phrase “believes all things”: “To see the best in others . . . . This does not mean that love is gullible, but that it does not think the worst (as is the way of the world). It retains its faith. Love is not deceived . . . but it is always ready to give the benefit of the doubt.”

When we hear something negative about others or we’re suspicious about the motive for their actions, let’s stop before we judge their intentions as wrong or bad. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. — Anne Cetas

This passage is indicating to me what I should do. Some sort of divine intervention perhaps.
But these are the battling, counter-offering thoughts in my head instead.

How do you expect me to see the best in others when they keep seeing the worst in me?
How do you expect me to give others the benefit of the doubt, when they don't give me the benefit of the doubt?
How do I love my enemy?

How do I love a friend who betrays/betrayed me?

In reading, the teachings of the Bible seem so simplistic sometimes , but in reality, I think they are far beyond simple. They are challenging and complicating, and not easily done! Oh how I fall short of the glory of God.

This unresolved feelings or thoughts will always be my dirty laundry.
If only cleaning "it" was literally as simple as taking "it" to the laundry. If only the act and consequence is as simple.

Sad to say, I think I'm one step further from believing or placing any hope in friendships. Why believe in something so fragile, so insecure? Why open up your vulnerable heart to trust only to gain disappointment and heartaches in the end? Why believe that friendships can last when people can change so easily? How can a genuine friendship exist when people are so ingenuine by nature?

Dance! Swing!

2011-03-15T22:30:00.001+08:00

Kpop

2011-03-13T22:28:00.005+08:00

My latest project. :)

ENFJ

2011-03-08T11:39:00.002+08:00

Did one of those personality tests mid last year @ www.mypersonality.info and my personality type turned out to be ENFJ.

Did another personality test today @ www.humanmetrics.com, just to test the consistencies of these "what-is-your-personality?" websites and guess what? Same answer! ENFJ. Hmm, i'm starting to think that perhaps the questions were the same. I don't really remember.

Anyway, it is ALWAYS interesting to read about these kinda stuff. It makes one more reflective and inquisitive somehow. You start asking yourself questions like "Am i really like that?" and then you get into the contemplative mode and most often, you end up agreeing to what was read. And, if you're the curious (or should i say "kepo") and need affirmation type, you'd start reading about the personalities of compatible partners, suitable types of careers based on your personality and etc.

Yes, that's me. Guilty, as charged.

Well, for one, i'm glad i don't have a shifting personality.
Note to self: Maybe i should try the test again when i'm at a different life stage. Married / with kids. The anxiety of wondering if the outcome would the same should be interesting.

And ahhh, this blog needs updating!

Brilliant idea to upload the traits of my personality here, for easy reference IN THE FUTURE.

ENFJ - IDEALIST ; The Teacher ; The Mentor

(According to http://keirsey.com/4temps/teacher.asp)

Even more than the other Idealists,Teachers have a natural talent for leading students or trainees toward learning, or as Idealists like to think of it, they are capable of calling forth each learner's potentials. Teachers (around two percent of the population) are able - effortlessly, it seems, and almost endlessly-to dream up fascinating learning activities for their students to engage in. In some Teachers, this ability to fire the imagination can amount to a kind of genius which other types find hard to emulate. But perhaps their greatest strength lies in their belief in their students. Teachers look for the best in their students, and communicate clearly that each one has untold potential, and this confidence can inspire their students to grow and develop more than they ever thought possible.

In whatever field they choose, Teachers consider people their highest priority, and they instinctively communicate personal concern and a willingness to become involved. Warmly outgoing, and perhaps the most expressive of all the types, Teachers are remarkably good with language, especially when communicating in speech, face to face. And they do not hesitate to speak out and let their feelings be known. Bubbling with enthusiasm, Teachers will voice their passions with dramatic flourish, and can, with practice, become charismatic public speakers. This verbal ability gives Teachers a good deal of influence in groups, and they are often asked to take a leadership role.

Teachers like things settled and organized, and will schedule their work hours and social engagements well ahead of time -- and they are absolutely trustworthy in honoring these commitments. Valuing as they do interpersonal cooperation and harmonious relations, Teachers are extraordinarily tolerant of others, are easy to get along with, and are usually popular wherever they are.

Teachers are highly sensitive to others, which is to say their intuition tends to be well developed. Certainly their insight into themselves and others is unparalleled. Without a doubt, they know what is going on inside themselves, and they can read other people with uncanny accuracy. Teachers also identify with others quite easily, and will actually find themselves picking up the characteristics, emotions and beliefs of those around them. Because they slip almost unconsciously into other people's skin in this way, Teachers feel closely connected with those around them, and thus show a sincere interest in the joys and problems of their employees, colleagues, students, clients, and loved ones.

Dealing with Stress from Work: Idealists Out of Balance

How do you deal with work-related stress? Each personality type has different stressors and copes in different ways. Better understanding of your own stressors and coping mechanisms can help you reduce the tension and anxiety work stress often creates.

Since Idealists tend to work for a better future for all, if things keep going badly and they lose hope they become stressed. When Idealists experience great stress, they can have muscle or sensory problems.

The Teacher is likely to become stressed if they experience an absence of trust and too much pressure to conform. They also dislike interpersonal conflict. If this happens, they may become excessively critical, which is antithetical to their normal positive self. One of the signs that the Teacher is in high stress is muscle tics or cramps. To recover, this normally social type must be left alone. Solitude and journal writing can help them get back to normal. Also getting out of the current arena of conflict and taking on a new project can restore their sense of self. Says Josephina, "My old boss and I worked like a charm. I had plenty of freedom and a crew to lead. Then she retired and my new boss was quite different. She wanted to inspect everything I did and insisted upon her way of doing everything. Some of her ideas were good, but others didn't work at all. She wouldn't listen to me. I got a tic in my right eye and had problems sleeping because of restless leg syndrome which I'd never had before. Something had to change. Then I heard about a special project which needed a new team and I applied. I'm now on the team, my tic and restless leg syndrome is gone. I never realized before how much I needed to be trusted and free to exchange ideas on improving things."

Women and Romance
Part 3: Idealist Women
By Dr. Lovegood

Idealist women tend to be very romantic. They love to give and receive tokens of affection, such as an original poem, a hand carved box, or an item which reminds them of some shared experience. Men often appreciate their compassion and empathy along with their belief in others. When dating, they hope they'll get to know each other through deep conversation.

So far, mostly true. :)

Canonica Ixusia

2011-01-11T10:35:00.005+08:00

My spanking new baby :)

(Bought : 8 January 2011)

Have always wanted to get my own camera for quite some time now, but the need for it was "expedited" due to the upcoming business trip to the States and the desperate need for a camera as mom would be needing the family-owned camera.

Definitely contemplated to get a semi-pro camera, like the Canon Powershot S95 or G12 as it would only cost a couple of hundreds more (like +500-1000) but as this year is foreseen to be a year with a lot of spending, I decided to just stick with the most economical and less time-consuming option - a point and shoot camera. I hope she proves to be a worthy investment and companion on this trip. Got to thank Tina and Josh for accompanying me to Low Yat and giving much insightful opinions.

On a side note...

It was 4 months ago when we planned for the technical conferences and exhibitions. And now, 4 months is up, and i'll be leaving this weekend. How fast time flies indeed. It is definitely going to be an intimidating yet interesting trip, as I'd be travelling with the Managing Director (my boss) and 2 Directors. Though we're all colleagues, yet the ranks do intimidate. I just hope i live up to the expectations the bosses have of me and return from the trip with loads of good ideas and inspirations that would help generate returns for the company in some way. I know i've been really fortunate to be given this opportunity and priviledge that no others have, and I hope it reminds me to be thankful of this blessing God has poured out for me.

There's loads to prepare and pack and the pressure of everything is just overwhelming.

Reminders to self:

- Be humble!

- Make the best of the opportunity!

- Make life count!

- Take great photos! And lots of them!

- Step out of the box and comfort zone!

- Be courageous!

- Be sociable!

- Don't whine and complain!

- Get phone card to call home! and call home every night!

And....

- Don't flirt! ;)

Ahhhh, the anxiety is building up! Better get back to work ...

God speaks

2010-12-24T08:54:00.006+08:00

God speaks, indeed.

Day before yesterday, I was emotionally distressed with a certain group of people. Their selfish act filled me with so much anger and hatred, to the extent of causing me to really consider transferring. It was such a pain to the soul and a struggle to brush the emotions away.

I met up with Mee Gee later that day for dinner and shared with her my story. And surprisingly, she's been through a similar situation as well. And she understands why I acted the way I did. Because, it's human nature. I shared with Sam when I was driving on my way home and when I got home, I shared with Mom too. So, point is, I was greatly affected by what happened that I couldn't stop thinking about it and felt the need to vent so much. When I got to bed that night, I don't remember spending time praying about it. It was probably a super short prayer and then I fell asleep.

2 days later, which is today, I'm sitting here in my office, and there's this innate inclination to just spend time in devotion, before starting any work. And so I did. The devotion message was so timely and apt, and it spoke of what I was going through.. literally.

Here's what it says.

*****

We’re tempted to fixate on all kinds of things: our image, another person’s opinion of us, our success or our failures. When things go poorly for us (bad health news or relational disappointments or financial woes), we search everywhere and look to anyone in a failing attempt to figure out how to change our situation. We try very hard to save ourselves.

The psalmist knew serious trouble. He spoke of violent men who were hunting him down, “snarling like vicious dogs” (Psalm 59:6). Their assaults were not merely physical: “Their words cut like swords,” he wrote (v.7). Do you feel as if someone is after you or as if some circumstance has consumed you? Are you experiencing a relationship that’s painful, that cuts to your soul?

Rather than working frantically to find your own remedy (which never ultimately works), Scripture invites you to turn to God, knowing that He’s the only One who can rescue you. The psalmist encourages us to quiet our heart, turn fully to God, and proclaim, “I watch for You” (v.9 NIV). We don’t watch for ourselves or our friend or our spouse. Our true help doesn’t come from these sources. We watch for God. —Winn Collier

*****

Reflecting back, that was exactly what I did. Turn to everyone/anyone available and share my problems with them, hoping they'd give me a good advice or suggest a way out, that would help make me feel better. I TRIED SO HARD TO SAVE MYSELF, WITH MY OWN FINITE MEANS AND STRENGTH.

But as usual, to no avail.

I know what I needed to do, to be still, quiet and commit the entire situation into God's hands, yet, at that moment, I allowed the circumstance to consume me, to cloud my judgment and affect my actions. I just couldn't get out. I just couldn't be still.

And here's what another devotion I read said, doubly affirming what God wants me to know and do.

*******

He promised, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you” (John 14:27). He told us to turn the other cheek, go the extra mile, forgive offenses, reject greed, tolerate each other’s weaknesses, live to serve and love one another as He has loved us. It seems that in large part, peace is up to us. Paul verifies that in Romans 12:18, “As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” This Christmas, let’s make peace our gift to the world in which we live as we reflect the Prince of Peace.- Joe Stowell

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. —John 14:27

*******

Living in peace with others is not an easy task and it's easier said or read than done. But I will try.

2010-12-22T10:51:00.002+08:00

I don't really know what to write about anymore.

And i realize, I can't write as fluently as before.

That's bad.

Oh MUSE, where for art thou?

of quotes

2010-11-15T09:30:00.004+08:00

We find courage to stand when we kneel before the Lord. ODB

It is better to write for self and have no public, than to write for public and have no self. Chris Connolly

This week has been an interesting one indeed, with fascination and observations inclined towards wise quotes. I find some of the quotes rather interesting for 2 reasons, firstly, the oxymoronic way they are written and secondly, because they resonate with certain issues I've been thinking about.

Side note:

The year's coming to an end real quickly!

RSA Animate : True & Inspirational!

2010-10-14T15:12:00.003+08:00

The suprising truth about what motivates us and SMILE or DIE.

The Royal Society of Arts (RSA) is superbly amazing and awesome.

2010-10-11T01:48:00.011+08:00

It's so weird that i can't tell where life's heading when it comes to ministry and work but i know it so well within me that spending my life with you is what i'm meant to do.

I see us making plans and starting a family together, a vision so real and certain and empowering that everything else just fades out of focus like a blurred background of a picture.

The distance is such a difficult thing to cope with and yet ironically, it gets easier each day missing you because even though it's one day further from the last time we met, it's also one day closer to the next time we'll meet again.

When will i see you again?

When will our prayers be answered?

2010-07-20T15:29:00.004+08:00

They decided to withdrew the offer, because of my indecisiveness.

They wanted someone convicted. And i clearly showed I wasn't.

I was too honest perhaps, with my insecurity and doubts.

Yeah, I'm really upset about it, yet, I know, it's for the better.

I don't know if this is God's way of interfering and helping me to decide since I can't.

But damnit! I'm still upset!!

Disappointment.

Indecisiveness.

Ego.

Hope

2010-07-20T09:03:00.000+08:00

HOPE

Taking Risks

2010-07-06T09:29:00.005+08:00

A month plus ago, I saw an advertisement by The Star hiring for journalists in the northern branch. I read through the requirements and pondered on the possibility of applying for it; taking the particular clipping out and keeping it together with my stack of miscellaneous notes within the organizer. Then came the next day, and as I went through the same routine of going through the classifieds section, I came across the very same ad. This probably went on for about a week plus and every time I came across the advertisement, there was this particular feeling growing within; a nagging nudge to just take the plunge and go for it, with no expectations whatsoever. And so i succumbed, after much pressure from within, telling me that I would regret had I not attempt to even apply.

I clearly remember that night when I sat in front of the television while drafting the cover letter. I spent hours trying to pen my thoughts and words as best as I could to justify my application (since I came from an entirely different background of education and work experience) and all I had to back me up was the little exposure I had being in the Editorial Board and the occasional writing I did for The Boys' Brigade, coupled with proclaimed passion for this field. I've always envision myself being part of a publication when I was younger, but because of the lack of confidence in myself and my writing, I never pursued it with great enthusiasm. All that being said, that night, I was really proud of myself for writing quite an awesome cover letter. At least, to my own opinion. :)

So just a day before the application dateline ended, I took a day's leave from work and got myself on a bus to the northern office, to submit my application by hand. Mom asked me why I had to go all the way up to deliver my application by hand, and honestly, I don't know why I decided so. Perhaps, it was for the sake of assurance that they would receive my application and it wouldn't go missing in the mail or the application be forfeited because it arrived past the dateline.

2 weeks later, I got a call, asking me to go for an interview AND writing test. Because of my Jakarta work trip, I had to re-schedule to an earlier date, just 2 days before my Jakarta trip. When I was up in Penang for BB PESTA, I thought it would be convenient to kill 2 birds with one stone and attend the interview then too. But, then again, a later date would give me ample of time to prepare for the writing test. So i opted to make yet another trip up on a separate day the following week.

Because of all the rush in completing 5 days worth of pending work, as well as for the Jakarta and Singapore trip, I had no time to prepare properly for the writing test. Everyday was just passing in such a quick pace and when I realized, it was already a day before my interview and I hadn't even booked my bus ticket yet! I panicked and all the scrutiny that I had to endure that day didn't make it any easier. But by God's grace, I managed to get a ticket, and print some notes on journalism to read while on the bus.

The big day came and rain came down. (Cool, it kinda rhymes) The entire state was in a massive traffic jam and stand still for hours because of the heavy rain and one particular massive accident, and so, instead of being driven to the place of interview as initially planned, I had to drop my friend off at work and drive myself there with reliance only on the GPS. What a way to start the day. I was really upset because of all the unforeseen circumstances but again, thankfully, it all worked out..from the lost driving, to the interview and to the writing test.

I'd like to think I did my best with little expectations of the outcome. Why? Cos' part of me hoped I would get it, while another part of me hoped I wouldn't get it so that I wouldn't need to face the dilemma of taking it up and leaving my current employment or rejecting the offer. I'm weird like that. And i do not like dilemmas! :)

To cut the long story short, I got called yesterday to go to the KL headquarters for medical check-up. Out of 12 applicants, 5 were shortlisted and I am one of the lucky ones. Good news in some ways and bad in some other ways. It's a really tough decision to make as it would mean leaving behind all that I have here, and pursuing something entirely different which I may or may not excel in. It is the insecurity of the future that scares me. I do not want to make a wrong decision and regret it, knowing how ways lead on to ways and how this decision will affect my life's direction.

I am, at a crossroad, a fork in the road.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both." - Robert Frost

It is at times like this, that I wished God spoke to me even more. His opinion is what matters most to me. If He decides I should leave and take up this opportunity, I would, even if it means receiving objection from family, and bosses. But if He decides I should stay and let this interesting opportunity pass, I would, even if it means regretting for awhile for not allowing myself to explore something new. My fear of making a decision is not because I fear the responsibility and consequence that comes with it, but because I fear making a decision that will displease Him.

Funny how a close friend asked me this when I told her of my situation. "Did you pray to God telling Him that if He makes a way and opens the door, that would be a sign of His approval for you to take it up?" Of which i answered, "Yes."

And as I read ODJ last night before going to bed, this particular passage and devotion that I read first randomly, caught my attention. Maybe this is His way of comforting me and guiding me with this situation.

**********

ODJ: RISK TAKERS

July 4, 2010
Read: Joshua 1 : 1 - 9

One of the saddest accounts in the Bible is   recorded in the Old Testament book of Numbers  (chapters 13-14). It’s the story of the Israelites who had previously been miraculously delivered from a life of backbreaking slave labor in Egypt. 

This generation had witnessed the 10 plagues in Egypt and God parting the Red Sea (Exodus 7-14). For nearly 2 years, they journeyed through the wilderness following a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. And every day God caused manna and quail to fall from the sky (Exodus 16). He even kept their clothes from wearing out as they endured the elements and strain of desert life (Deuteronomy 8:4). 

That’s impressive! 

And now, as we tune into Numbers 13, we see that God finally had His people on the verge of conquering the Promised Land—and they wouldn’t do it. Outside of Caleb and Joshua, the leaders refused to step up to the challenge. They said that the Canaanites were too big and powerful. They told the people they were like “giants” and referred to themselves as “grasshoppers” (vv.31-33). 

As a result, God made them wander aimlessly around the wilderness for 38 years (within a few miles of their God-given destiny) until their generation died off.  

How tragic! God had rescued them and led them to a new life in a new land. But they refused to take a risk with Him.  

If there is one thing that the stories of the Bible tell us again and again, it is this: Following the God of the universe into the purpose of our lives always involves meaningful levels of risk (Joshua 1:6-9).  

Taking a bold and gutsy risk is not the absence of faith. Sometimes it’s an expression of our faith in Him. —Jeff Olson

"This is my command. Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the Lord Your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

What do you think God is telling me?
That whatever I decide, He is with me. Whether i take it up, or not.
Or is He telling me that I should take this risk and trust Him?

Sporting and completely hilarious

2010-06-03T16:42:00.003+08:00

POKER FACE | Lady Gaga (Acapella)

LDR

2010-05-14T13:08:00.003+08:00

Today marks the first day.
I feared and dreaded the coming of this day.

But resistance is futile. It was inevitable.

A test from above, perhaps.

It's not going to be easy.

It's not going to be as it used to be.

But i need to remain optimistic and wait upon God.

It's all I can do.

Shrek peek

2010-04-30T13:23:00.003+08:00

Donkey > Puss : You are a CATastrophe!

Puss > Donkey : You are riDONKulous!

LOL! hahahahahaha

Lost and confused.again.

2010-04-28T11:48:00.005+08:00

It's really frustrating when you don't know what your direction is in life. Some people say, "Claim your life! You decide who you want to be". Is it truly so? Do we really have the deciding power, or Him above? Some say, God gives us options in life, and we need to be accountable for the decisions we make. He gives us the freedom of choice. But I've also heard of and done prayers saying that "not my will be done, but Yours". The latter implies that God has a will or purpose for each and everyone of us already. So then, it brings me back to the question, who decides our direction in life? Option A: We do. B. God does. C. It's a mix of both. Setting a direction for our own lives is an action resulting from the authority we think we have upon our life. But if we are believers of Christ, this life we have isn't exactly ours, it was ransomed and made new in Christ. We live because of His grace and mercy. Our lives belong to Him. So do we then have the rights to exercise such authoritative power on the decisions we make concerning our life? Then again, not everyone has the gift of hearing God speak to them and telling them if the decisions made are right or wrong. So it's pretty much going by faith!

These thoughts are somewhat contradictory and non-conclusive. And i'm back at square one again.

My point is, i just feel really lost. I've been working for more than 1 1/2 years, and I'm nearly quarter a century old, and I still don't know what my passion in life is, what do i want to major in, what's my direction in life etc etc etc. If i plan for tomorrow, it is as though i'm disrespecting God and boasting about tomorrow when my life is indeed uncertain. But on the other side of the coin, how can one live a purposeful and fulfilling life without setting directions and goals?

Again, square one.

And ever as lost.

Maybe i'm reading between the lines too much. Sigh.

Paragliding @ Penang

2010-04-21T09:49:00.004+08:00

This will be ME someday.

And that day is coming soon :)

Can't wait !!

Counting down till that blissful thrilling day arrives...

An experience worth remembering

2010-04-09T14:11:00.009+08:00

A month ago, Joshua (Sam's brother) asked if I could help out with his church wedding decoration because the person who was suppose to do it, well, couldn't do it. So as terrifying and desperate as the request sounded, I was actually jumping for joy within because I've never had the experience of being part of a wedding's plan and processes! Plus, it was always a childhood dream of mine to be a wedding planner someday ;)

So, the entire month of planning and sourcing for materials was really stressful, especially with the given budget of RM400 only. But it all worked out well. The effort paid off and it was alot of fun!

Here are pictures of my first stint as a church wedding decorator :)

If you are pleased with the outcome, I'm open for hire in the future!

the aisle (of garlands, fake roses, organza ribbons, and real flower petals)

an upclose shot of the aisle (again)

i just love how the garlands droop at the end of the aisle

pretty :)

right after the ceremony (and probably during as well) kids were dismantling the tiny flower bouquets on the aisle and making it their own!

the stage

2 standees made of red roses and white pom poms, creeping ivy leaves and rose petals

The theme of the church wedding was actually WINE & CHAMPAGNE.

Do you think the deco met the theme? Did it give you the vibe of a vineyard wedding?

I really wanted to do a wooden stick arch, cos I thought that would do the trick but we really had no time and the bride and groom wanted something really minimalistic. Anyhows, i'm glad they liked the final outcome.

*******************

Being part of this wedding plan was really a blessing and a testimonial worth sharing.

Because the budget was so tight, we decided that buying real flowers were way cheaper than fake flowers, especially for the stage deco and the flower standees. Getting the professionals, ie. florist to do it would cost even more. So Sam and I, being all confident that we can do it on our own, we went by faith and did the flower arrangements by ourselves the day before the wedding. After several hours of trying around, i realized we couldn't do it. Our arrangements were so unprofessionally looking and odd. The real thing came out so different from how we envisioned it to be.

So being the worry freak I am, I was really stressed out and emo and panicky. Joshua and Tina deserved something nice, and their entire family and relatives knew I was going to be the decorator. I had to live up to the expectations! I was just so down and emo, and at the verge of giving up. I was also partially annoyed with the wedding coordinator cos it was her suggestion in the first place to go DIY and experiment together. Yet, instead of coming at 4pm, she only came at 8pm!

(When i'm stressed up, I get easily annoyed and pissed off, so yeah, maybe she's not entirely at fault, but it was a big deal to me because the mood i was in aggravated the feelings even more)

Anyhow, she came at 8pm, saw the damage done, and tried to fix it. She suggest we go for a break and take our dinner and so we did. Throughout dinner, I was just thinking and talking to God, pleading for a miracle that when we get back after dinner, He would bless me with green fingers and I would be able to turn things around for good. It took courage to admit to Him that I know I'm really not as good as I think I could be. Truth be told, the situation humbled me.

When i came back after dinner, and saw how she salvaged the damage we had done, I felt really guilty for thinking badly of her in the first place. She's always so smiley, even when the situation was stressful, and she's never NOT smiling. I felt so ashamed of myself cos I'm like the total opposite.

HOWEVER, her being equally inexperienced as we are, the arrangement that she did, though nice, was way too tiny to be placed at the stage. And that's when God intervened, literally.

No, He didn't bless me with green fingers for the next 4 hours, but He sent us a florist, in the most unexpected way! It was Good Friday and just after service, this lady saw us working on the flowers and when we told her our problem, she said she could help us fix it, and make the arrangement look a little bigger! After talking to her a little, getting to know her better, she told us she actually owned a florist a long time ago! Praise GOD!!!!

She helped us out so much that she stayed from 9 pm till 12 pm (with her husband and kids) and got both the standees and the bridesmaid bouquets done! And it looked professionally done, because she was a professional! Praise God, again! Because of her help, I could concentrate on doing up the hall and the other decorations, and Sam could finish up his bestman speech. That night, when we finished up everything, I could rest in peace.

God is just so awesome.

I was proud, and He humbled me, for my own good. But He didn't just stop there. He provided a way out for me as well. What amazing love, and abounding grace. All praise be to God, seriously.

It really was an encouragement for me. And that's why I'm sharing this testimony to all.

Our God is real, and always dependable upon. Remember that, always.

2 Corinthians 12:9 -> "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

The 2-minute rhyme

2010-03-31T16:25:00.003+08:00

It's great when we both have Skype to talk endlessly with at work. :)

And i present to you, my 2-minute impromptu poem made to rhyme..

"my heart cries out to you,oh romeo..

my every being aches being apart from you..

our love is like milk and oreo..

just as i am better only when with you.."

haha! good one, isn't it?

BUT... i was mistaken to be a racist! haha, calling him oreo and me milk.

Now, back to work... :(

Emo-nya...i feel like quitting...sitting in the office can be such a bore sometimes..

come clean

2010-03-31T10:39:00.004+08:00

I wonder if I'll ever get the courage to point out the issue and come clean with how I feel about this. I do feel like neglected. I do feel like we've drifted apart. I do feel left out in all the outings that they had or are planning to have. Since when was i out of the group? Since when did asking no longer became a habit?

Being honest in a relationship/friendship is never an easy thing. If you're too honest, there's a risk of hurting the other party, of things taking a different turn. But honesty is still vital, because a relationship/friendship without honesty is like a stage-play. And that's exactly how I feel about us, right now. We're all acting to be nice to each other. But honestly, there's no genuine feelings of love and care for each other.

The truth hurts. Reality bites. And sometimes, the truth needs to be "treated" before it is let out. But once treated, it is never entirely 100% truth anymore.

Offense / Defense

2010-03-16T16:12:00.005+08:00

Confrontation - to do or not to?

What would you do?
Be empathetic and ignorant of the situation, or defend yourself and make the first approach?

Would you play offense or defense?

Would you take the chance when the stakes are high?

Or would you just walk away from it all, completely? Cutting all cords..

Conscience vs expectations - which would you lean on?

There's a fine line to it all.

Valentine love

2010-02-06T11:03:00.004+08:00

Happy Be-earlieth Valentines Day & Chinese New Year!

As Valentine's Day draws closer, and knowing we probably won't be able to spend the occasion together due to the CNY festivity, the very thought of having found love in someone as special as him makes me content.

Having someone who keeps calling you "wifey", telling you how beautiful and sexy you are even when your face is pimply and you've been putting on those extra kilos around the waist, and being able to know your thoughts even before you can say them out aloud; these are the simple things that remind me of how blessed I am by God.

It's like God sending me a huge parcel via airmail, with a note attached saying;
"His name is Samuel. Hope you like him, my dear! Took Me awhile to source for this amazing gift for you but it's well worth it."

And who doesn't love suprises and amazing presents! :)
No doubt, the period of waiting for it could have been painful and testing at times - but I'm a firm believer that everything will eventually work out according to His plan.. sooner or later..

So thank you, God - for loved ones.. family, sam, and some friends..
These are the people that keep me going each day, making it easier when life gets hard.
And i love 'em loads. :)

The life equation

2010-02-06T10:33:00.006+08:00

What is LIFE?
Some pretty interesting equation of life I got of the internet revealed this of life.

Life + Love = Happy ........ equation (1)
Life - Love = Sad ............. equation (2)

Adding both the equations, (1) + (2) yields:
Love and love cancels. Hence,

2(Life) = Happy + Sad ...... equation (3)

Dividing equation (3) by 2 :

Life = (Happy + Sad) / 2
Life = (Happy/2) + (Sad/2)

Hence,

Life = 1/2 Happy + 1/2 Sad.

2010-02-05T09:45:00.002+08:00

Is there a note on my forehead which says "punching bag" ??
Just because you had a bad day, and feel the need to vent, that doesnt give you the freakin right to hurl insensitive comments at me, and expect me to feel alright? to feel numb?
Hello!! I'm not a robot, I have feelings! emotions!
How would you feel if i did the same to you? Hurt, right?
Argghhhh!!! So freakin pissing off..
It's not like i had any part in you making those mistakes, so why the hell are u letting it out on me?
So much for being the good friend and highlighting the problem to you before it gets worse, and yet, u think i have some sort of agenda??!!! You think i'm being bossy/nosy??!!!
Like WTHH???!!!
Workplace just doesn't feel great anymore.
I want to tell you off so much, yet, i cant.. cos thats just not me..
I dont make enemies for fun.
I suffer in silence and let it get to me.
I hope you learn your lesson soon enough.

Of good shoes

2010-01-22T14:43:00.007+08:00

They say...

" Shoes are important. Because good ones take you to good places."

I've yet to find my pair of good shoes..

Kuantan roadtrip (28-30 Dec 2009)

2010-01-08T10:38:00.008+08:00

Finally, it happened. After several years of delay, I finally got to make it happen. Kuantan, there I went.

It was a semi-backpack trip since we had to explore the place on our own due to some unforeseen circumstance. But it was all good. Ideally, it was meant to be an adventurous roadtrip as well. And I mean adventurous in the sense of camping by the beach (within the designated campsite,of course) and eating all sorts of seafood. But due to unforeseen circumstances again, it became a not-so adventurous trip in the end. Probably more of a chilling relaxing therapeutic trip. But it's all good nonetheless..

Kuantan is known for their beaches, their waves, seafood, and the local Malay delicacies like Keropok Lekor. We were on a craze for beaches and so, we decided to check out each and every one of the beaches. Out of a list of 5 beaches, only 1 was good..that is, Telok Chempedak. Pictures below are taken from Telok Chempedak.

TC is basically the coolest hang out spot in Kuantan, at all times, day AND night. In the morning, you see family taking strolls along the beach, playing in the sand, sitting by the shore of the beach and by night, you see mostly couples and friends taking a night stroll along the beach. What makes it even more awesome is the fact that McDs and KFC are just a walk away! *drools*

The thing I enjoyed most about Kuantan was being hit by the waves. The waves were so crazy that no one ever swims in the sea. Only the surfer dudes along with their surfboard dared make entry to the fierce sea. It was almost like re-watching Discovery Channel's cover story of 2006's tsunami, but this time, live.. scary i tell you!
So what we did was sit on the part of the beach where the waves would ripple off, thinking it would be safer than being in the waters. And boy, did we underestimated the waves! Even at such a distance, the waves hit us so hard that we were never steady in one spot. The suction power when the wave subsided was also scary, because it pulled us into the water at such great speed and power. All my life, having been to so many beaches and islands, I've never seen anything quite like TC's waves. Awesomeness it was.

The other beaches were in stark contrast to TC. Dead, lifeless, dirty, boring. And we drove 30km just to get to it. Major disappointment. Road signs were hopeless too. And, Cherating was crazily far as well so we decided to give it a miss. Sigh.. I really wanted to see the turtle shelter, and make batik. Oh well, this means I'll definitely be going back next time! :)

The only regrets I have were not being able to take much pictures of the waves (since I was busy being hit by the waves and paranoid that people walking on the beach would just run away with my bag and valuables); and waking up early to catch sunrise on the beach and take an awesome photograph of it. It still bugs me.

Anyway, pictures below! :)

"For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go.

I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move."

Robert Louis

I love this Robert Louis guy. He speaks my mind literally.

(",)

Reunited and it feels so good

2009-12-16T11:14:00.003+08:00

The past week and coming week has been all about rekindling friendships..
of friends from high school, and uni mates.

Lum, is the second in the infamous gang, who will be tying the knot in January 2010, in the States. Time flies, and some of the friends who attended the bachelorette party were friends I have not met in 6 years! I would have thought that we would all have changed in many ways, but strangely enough, we behaved just like how we were 6 years ago. And that was good to know. A wild crazy night indeed but well worth it.

Ahh, nostalgia ..

1+2+5

2009-12-16T10:40:00.010+08:00

A few years ago, mum got herself a silky terrier puppy for Christmas.

Because she claimed we didn't love her enough.

And so, we called her Grace.

This year, Grace gave mum (and us) 5 early christmas prezzies in the form of her adorable new born babies!

3 Males, 2 Females.

And 10 December 2009 is the date to remember. :)

And all these adorable babies ever do, day and night, is...

suckle suckle suckle, cuddle cuddle cuddle...

What a good life :)

These darlings are the 2nd batch of Grace's pups.

The first three were: Roxy, Rayanne, and Russell.

( Notice how they all started with R?? )

Now, to wait for Miss Becks to come up with 5 royal names like she did for the first 3..

And maybe to be fair, they should all begin with A..

Amanda, Andrea, Andrew, Alex, Anthony.

Or should it be something funkier crazier like..

Salmon, Tuna, Cod, Talapia, Dory

Salt, Pepper, Sugar, Vinegar, Oil

Obviously, naming your pets (and children in the future) can be such a daunting task.

It has got to be right. Cos there's no turning back.

U Blonde??

2009-12-02T10:03:00.003+08:00

This goes out to all the blondes I know, or even the blondes out there! Enjoy! (",)

********
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home. The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home. The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word. Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable'. The operator shakes his head. How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul."

********

Hahahahaha! Classic and a good one! Reminds me of ruttituttifrutti, my once extremely blonde sista :)
Sometimes, her blonde-ness just amazes me laa..
And yeah, there are some other blonde friends as well..
So here's to all blondes!
May you continue to uplift hearts and bring warm smiles and joy to those around you..and i mean this in a good way of course, no hard feelings/mockery whatsoever.. :)

Cheers!

morbid me

2009-11-23T17:34:00.003+08:00

this is going to sound morbid but it's been on my mind for some time now..
when i leave this world, i dont think there will be many at my funeral.
i dont think people will have much to say of whether i made a difference in their life.
it's going to be a pathetic funeral.

Pseudo Perfection

2009-11-05T09:35:00.005+08:00

"The perfect one may be imperfect at times."

Got this quote from my dear friend Sharon's FB status. How true indeed and I think it is a very good reminder as well, to all who are in a relationship and yet to be in one.

Sometimes, we find that perfect someone; s/he qualifies for all the important characteristics and traits you have in your Mr.Right / Ms.Right checklist. But is there really such a thing as a perfect man/woman? It's all in the mind, really.

Sometimes also, s/he is so perfect that we start having expectations! And when such expectations are not met, the worm slowly creeps into the relationship and starts eating from the inside, unknowingly. Over time, if this is not resolved, it causes the relationship to crumble, like a rotten apple.

Which brings me back to the reason why this quote is such a good reminder. We need to realize that we're all human, and as humans, we are frail. We ought to be humble enough to acknowledge our weaknesses, and simultaneously, accept the weaknesses of others.

"O God, teach us to be more gracious with others. Teach us to choose love over hate, patience over impatience, and compassion over our own selfish ways. Teach us to be more like You everyday. Amen."

Help me with my change

2009-10-30T14:15:00.011+08:00

I realize I do this alot. Whenever i'm at my lowest feeling frustrated, demoralised, weighed down... I would resort to one thing. I will say this one thing. And I say it everytime.
" I think it's my hair..i think i need to cut it / put on a different style / do something to it..whatever.."
Like seriously! I always blame it on the hair, being too long, flat, boring etc and hence, the weighed down feeling. Any remedial action I take to change must always begin with the hair. I honestly don't know why this obsession with the hair.

Anyway, lately, i've been feeling like crap. My life isn't too bad, I know and I shouldnt be complaining but yet, I'm just so mad at myself. I am living such a horribly lazy lifestyle of no exercise, no massive social gatherings, no studies, no challenge, NO GOAL! Actually, that's wrong. I do have goals! I'm just not doing anything about them. Arrgggghhhhh...

So i've decided. I need to cut my hair. I need to do something different to it, to give me back the self-esteem I need. With great hair, hopefully, comes great confidence. And with great confidence, comes greater enthusiasm to make a change to myself and this horrid lifestyle I'm carrying.

Shaun gave me this offer at my last visit to Trendz.
DYE + CUT + TREATMENT = RM100.
Not sure if the offer still stands but i'll try and ask him next week. I honestly don't know if it's a good deal.. Is it too cheap or expensive? Is it worth it?

** Friends who are reading my blog (i know it's not many) but I would appreciate if you could share your thoughts if it's a worthwhile deal. Cos I'm such a virgin when it comes to hair. All I've ever done to my hair was cut and wash, and a very mild highlight (after much persuasion from Benji, that is). I've never treated it, never permed, never curled, never dyed..so my knowledge is zero in this aspect. I would also need your suggestions on which of the following hairstyles would suit me. Please please pweeeeeaasseee help me out.. here are some pics for your viewing pleasure.

************************

option 1
not a very practical option cos i would need to keep trimming.
but bangs are so hot. it gives one the confidence to carry the protagonistic attitude.
then again, not everyone looks good in bangs la.

option 2
i'm definitely cutting my hair like this.
but should i dye my hair like this? i kinda like the edgy vibe it gives.
maybe instead of blonde, i'll go for maroon?

blonde seems too punk, more for an artist rather than a chemist. lol

but its the blonde than gives the edgy-ness, i think.

feedbacks pleaseee??

option 3
or would i look better dye-ing my entire head like this? rather than just the fringe?

option 4
very interesting. but definitely wont suit me right?
then again, with slight modifications, minus the irregular lengths, etc it could turn out nice..
hmm...

option 5

honestly, i'm really tempted to curl my entire head / hair like this.

but i dare not take the risk cos if it turns out horrid, i'll have to straighten my hair, and i'll end up looking like a mop instead!

but i really really like her look. would it suit me, you think?

************************

All comments would be greatly appreciated, peeps. If the haircut turns out well, all who contributed in one way or another with their wise suggestions would be greatly rewarded with a nice dinner. I promise. When I feel good, I'll be even more generous. =)

Plus, i hope you care enough about me to want to help me get out of this rut i'm in by supporting and guiding me through this 1st step of change i take.

Thanks first and foremost, guys!

Jaded

2009-10-06T11:18:00.008+08:00

It's been 1 year and 3 months.
Everything seems to be going ok but that missing-puzzle-piece feeling is still there.
The sense of growth as a person has not been accomplished to a significant extent, and life does not seem to advance...
Have i grown complacent?
It's comfortable, yet it makes me feel jaded.
How can that be? They are opposite sides of a coin!
You know you should leave, yet you know it's not time. Your responsibilities do not permit you to.
You want challenge, yet you won't challenge yourself to make a difference.
You want life to be lived to the fullest, yet you dont live it to the fullest.
"What's wrong?" is all you keep asking, and the answer - you never find.
The quest for the missing-puzzle-piece... continues.

Pixie

2009-10-02T09:35:00.008+08:00

im such a cam-whore.. but i realise i suck at cam-whoring.

poses / looks - boring!!

but with practice comes perfection.

Got to work on more funky poses next time.

i shall practice more. :)

And so the season begins

2009-09-10T13:37:00.008+08:00

And so the season of engagements and weddings begins..

For the past few months, news of friends and acquaintances getting engaged and hitched have been coming in one after another. It really does get you thinking on what's in store for you (and everyone) in the future. A colleague of mine made this passing comment one day @ lunch saying the younger generations (referring to my generation, of course) are getting married earlier, completing the cyclical phenomenon of the tradition of our forefathers who used to be married at very young ages. Somehow i sense a whole chunk of grammatical error in my previous statement.. anyhow, it sounds nice, so i wont bother fixing it or dwelling too much on the technicalities of the English language.

Where were we? Ahh yes, back to weddings..and engagements..

Yesterday, while browsing through FB @ work, a friend posted her status mentioning rings and dream dresses and etc. The first thing that came to my mind was "omgg, is she getting hitched?" and so i clicked on her profile and i was right. She was getting engaged. And i have to admit, joy and happiness weren't exactly the first thoughts in my mind. Rather, i was in utter shock, questioning the possibility of it happening!

First and foremost, she's younger than me by 2 years and so is her fiance.
(not judging anyone based on age here, but based on the point below, i'm hell suprised that their parents consented to it)

Secondly, i don't think they are both financially stable YET.
(engagements and weddings require massive funding, and unless you're born with a silver spoon, where papi and mami provides EVERYTHING, finances are definitely an issue. In their case, I dont know the family well enough to say for sure that they are well off to do but from what i know, middle class family?)

Anyway, who am i to assume and judge? What matters most is love prevails. And i'm a sucker for happy endings. So i quickly changed my negative worrisome thoughts to happy thoughts. =D

She may not know this, because we're not exactly close friends, but I pray that her relationship and marriage will be a fruitful one and I believe it will be; as i do admire the maturity and passion that both have in view of their relationship and how God lies central in it. And this i know because i occassionally follow her blog. And while reading one of her posts, it reminded me of a lot of things I once had and have in mind, pre- and post- being in a relationship, about relationships, and God. It was a good reminder for me to get my priorities set right again, and to make sure he does too.

I know our time will not come anytime soon, as we still have much to learn and prepare, both together and separately; for marriage, and for fulfilling God's intended purpose for us. We've been stumbling occassionally along the way, with hindrances that keep distracting and discouraging us, but we will stay strong and continue running the race, guided by Him, and encouraged by each other; this my prayer for us. ♥

I like the season of engagements and weddings.
It's the season to be jolly - fa la la la la la la la la! :)

The Raise - Must Read!

2009-08-20T17:11:00.006+08:00

"The Raise." Enjoy! :)

The day the Penis asked for a raise...

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off..

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response...

Dear P.Niss;

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,

the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completedthe assigned task..

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious- looking bags..

Sincerely,

V. Gina

******************************

LOL!!!

I laughed my ass off reading this. So needed it..after being gloom and lifeless the entire day.

Awesome piece of work! Kudos to whoever wrote it. :)

All you pervs out there, if you like it, hit the LIKE button! hahahaha..

A beautiful discovery

2009-08-18T20:13:00.003+08:00

Picture this.
A rainy evening. The skies are dark; the rain pours heavily; the traffic slow moving.
You look into your rear mirror. What do you see?
The reflection of the car headlights visibly clear on the seemingly glossy highway.
As you move forward, while stealing glimpses of the rear mirror, the yellow reflections seem to move along as well, somewhat dancing; graceful and serene in motion.
At that moment, you forget everything and find yourself with a weird sense of peace and comfort. And a smile on your face.
If only that moment; that sight could be captured. It would have been the year's best picture.
That was my beautiful discovery today. =)

The Opposition

2009-08-12T08:59:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, it does feel like we are living on other people's lips.
Their words - like poison ivy. flying darts.
The opposition - they judge; they dictate; they slander; they assume!
Such hypocrisy and cowardness; did it stem from envy?
It makes one wonder.. whatever happened to love?

This path I've chosen will not be an easy one.
But I will perservere; with the support and encouragement from loved ones.
And I will chuck you slanderers into my bin of worthless people.
You don't deserve my help.
And this will be the last thing I ever do for you.

Dear Yasmin

2009-07-28T09:34:00.004+08:00

Yasmin Ahmad;

We may not have known her personally, but her work has been an inspiring one indeed.
Delivering the sentiments of love and life was her forte and she brought it out well in every work of hers, from movies to adverts.
Though a great talent has been lost, i pray that her legacy continues to inspire lives, both young and old, to achieve their dreams, to live in peace with one another, to respect our racial and social differences, to challenge the norm and make a positive change in this world we live in.
Her honest and heartfelt approach to life should be emulated.
Her stories, should be remembered.
Rest in peace, Yasmin.

2009-07-15T09:03:00.008+08:00

=)
sam+ally

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

(1 Corinthians 13 : 4-8)

Of being grateful and gracious for whatever life brings

2009-07-08T09:18:00.004+08:00

This is something worth sharing and to be contemplated on...

"When I pick up a person from the street, hungry, I give him a plate of rice, a piece of bread. But a person who is shut out,who feels unwanted, unloved, terrified, the person who has been thrown out of society -- that spiritual poverty is much harder to overcome. Those who are materially poor can be very wonderful people. One evening we went out and we picked up four people from the street. And one of them was in a most terrible condition. I told the Sisters: “You take care of the other three; I will take care of the one who looks worse.” So I did for her all that my love can do. I put her in bed,and there was such a beautiful smile on her face. She took hold of my hand,as she said one word only: “Thank you” -- and she died. I could not helpbut examine my conscience before her. And I asked: “What would I say if I were in her place?“ And my answer was very simple. I would have tried to draw a little attention to myself. I would have said: “I am hungry, I am dying, I am cold, I am in pain, or something. But she gave me much more -- she gave me her grateful love. And she died with a smile on her face. Then there was the man we picked up from the drain, half-eaten by worms and, after we had brought him to the home, he only said, “I have lived like an animal in the street, but I am going to die as an angel, loved and cared for.” Then, after we had removed all the worms from his body, all he said, with a big smile, was: “Sister, I am going home to God” -- and he died. It was so wonderful to see the greatness of that man who could speak like that without blaming anybody, without comparing anything. Like an angel -- this is the greatness of people who are spiritually rich even when they are materially poor."

by Mother Teresa

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is love, enjoy it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrowful, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

This email really got me re-examining my approach to life. More often than not, we brush off forwarded emails such as these without giving it much thought because it's just one of those forwarded emails but when we stop to ponder, even just a little more, the depth of its message surfaces and hits us where it matters most.

When the waves and storms of life hit us, do we handle it with grace? Do we acknowledge that trials and temptations are necessary for our growth? Do we seek to glorify Him through our well-being and even at our worst moments? Do we stand strong in the faith? Or do we falter and seek to draw pity on ourselves, diverting all due attention to ourselves with the wrong intentions?

How do we live a selfless life in such a self-centered world?

How do we see the beauty in ugly?

It's no easy task but it is a challenge to be met.

Land of the Ascending Dragons

2009-06-30T17:19:00.007+08:00

Darn, i can't recognise myself.

Hotness :)
Lol.

Mum&Dad with Voon look-a-like.
Man, carbon copy i tell you! ;p

Awesome shot #1 :)

The Choy's Angels trying to re-enact the plants behind us.

We got a kwai-lo stranger to take for us.

These turtle monuments were suppose to be a symbol of longevity and wisdom. Names of scholars were engraved onto the tombstone because they wanted to immortalize their achievement in some sense. Hence, the Vietnamese people believed that if one wanted to score academically, they are to touch the head of these turtles for blessings. Some even go to the extend of putting monetary offerings beside these turtles.
We only found out after the tour guide told us off nicely to NOT sit on them.
Our fault, cos we were too busy taking pictures without listening to him.
LOL.

* More to come in FB *

Numb

2009-06-26T20:26:00.003+08:00

I sit here, staring at the wall. My eyes, skimming thru pictures on the wall, yet the mind is absent, just not quite there. There's a myriad of emotions just flying around, like the spirits or ghosts of the Hogwarts School. It's a feeling of numbness, towards everything and everyone. It's weird that I should feel this way, especially now. I thought i had put that feeling past me. The facade of life, again.

I need that time and space again.

T-M-N-T

2009-06-05T15:23:00.010+08:00

Introducing..

T H E T M N T

(to the tune of Kung Fu Panda's KungFu Fighting soundtrack)

Woooooooohhh....Hah!

Everybody wants TMNT

We're like the coolest groupie

We are karate-junkies

And pizza is for hi-tea

Wanna improve your kung-fu?

WATER is for you!

waaaaaatttteeeeeerrrrr!

We're lame.

But we're awesome AND we rock! ;)

I miss camp!

Let's drink and be merry!

2009-05-27T16:30:00.008+08:00

2 weeks ago, 2 buddies of mine decided we should chill out, ie. have some drinks. It was a rather impromptu plan but heck, impromptu plans are always the best ones! So after Siv picked me up from my place, we headed over to SK to meet up with Sam for some stomach-filling solids. After treating ourselves to a hearty meal and some lengthy conversation, we headed over to Siv's place for some drinks, well, Absolut Peach and Bacardi Apple to be exact, two very sweet tasting and smooth yet STRONG alcohol. Personally, I don't really have a good impression of Bacardi because the last time I drank it, I swelled up like an enormous tomato!

Anyway..
15/5/09 - This was to be my first drinking session with the guys. Excited? Yes. Worried? Also yes.

When we got there, we started playing some cards while listening to some gay music on Youtube and as usual, the guys were pouring packs of alcohol mixed with Sprite. The first pack tasted mild. And then, as time passed, we had more packs. 3? Or was it 4? Anyway, it must have been at my third one that Sam said "Hey Ally, you look pink!". In my heart, I knew it. Turning pink, definitely not a good sign for me. It's normal but my body has its way of telling me "Hey,you're about to get into the next phase. Watch out." So being the super self-conscious me, I was so ashamed that I got them to switch the lights off! I really didn't want to turn into a Pink Hulk, no way, at least not in front of the guys. But they won't listen! And so I had to hid my beautiful (soon to turn ugly) face behind the nearest pillow I could find. Everything started to feel heavy then. My head was heavy, my body refused to sit upright, and my eyes were heavy. Okay, this is a pretty awesome discovery I discovered about myself. When I reach my alcohol threshold, instead of getting high, I get sleepy. Weird but totally cool. Haha. So I started feeling sleepy, and the guys kept telling me to stay awake cos that's how it is and that I've got to fight it, but haha, when I'm sleepy, nothing comes in the way of my sleep..and so, apparently I fell asleep! And I have no recollection at all of how it happened and when exactly.

The next I remember...

I awoke to the sound of an unfamiliar voice, not of Sam's or Siv's.. I pulled the pillow away from my face and lo-behold, I see an unfamiliar face, a stranger, whom I later got acquainted with and now has a name - Karthik. I can't believe I was out / asleep for 1 whole hour! Honestly, I could recall nothing of that one hour "time-out" which I thought was only as short as 15 minutes?

I felt flustered. There's a stranger in the room and I was asleep, like a pig! and I was so oblivious of the things going around me too. It was really really embarrassing. I gathered my face into my clasped hands. There was a dull pain in my head and my stomach felt funny. I know this feeling. It was the same feeling I felt when I was out clubbing in NZ with the Mosaic bunch; just after the horrible tasting shot and some mixtures, and before puking.

Stumbling onto my feet, I got up and headed straight to the toilet. Everything came out. Ewww. Thankfully it was only 1 pass at the washroom.

So I came back in, and the guys were high instead! Siv was dancing non-stop, Sam was listening to more gay music, and Karthik was just looking at me with such suspicious eyes. We had some camwhore session and a good time of laughing together over everything. Too bad the guys weren't high enough to be talking about life cos apparently, when they're really high, they'll talk about life and that's the interesting part! Maybe they were feeling shy that a girl was there too..just maybe..lol.

Good chill out session nonetheless. Apparently I need more drinking training. Haha, we shall see about that!

End of story.

I just wanted to blog about this because it's definitely a memory worth keeping. My memory will soon fail me, and this is the only way, coupled with the pictures we took, for me to remember this by.

Sorry if it was boring.

Sorry if you wasted your time reading it too.

Sorry if the ending wasn't as gempaq as you thought it should have been.

I'm so friggin' apologetic. LOL.

Anyway, drinking reminds me of the Mosaic bunch of friends so much.

I miss Mer's dirty dancing;

I miss Tom's silly faces and cute dancing;

I miss Emma being all sisterly and her cautious ways because she's always the designated driver when everyone else is either too drunk to drive or insanely tipsy to drive;

I miss Charlene's wacky antics of taking videos of people puking or being tipsy; and

I miss Jas's sporting attempts to drink and dance and let loose.

I want to go back. I really do..

Don't know if you guys will ever read this, but I miss you guys!

Friends - are God's way of taking care of us; angels sent to guide and walk with us while we embark on life's journey.
Treasure them, cos sometimes, you do not know what you have till you've lost them.

Cheers!
missy allyot. :)

The good news

2009-05-22T14:26:00.003+08:00

I don't know where to begin
to tell you of the thoughts
that have been playing in my mind

For the past 3 weeks, God felt so real.
I prayed for an answer
but i also struggled and had my fair share of doubts if He would ever answer

I spoke to a church elder about it
funny enough, i didn't even realize God's work at hand at that very moment
through that conversation we had

Sometimes, when we seek God for something
the answers aren't always clear.
He has His way of placing certain people in our lives
at certain points of our lives
to reveal certain things to us

And a week after that conversation
my prayer was answered
in a circumstance that had been depicted by that church elder

The feeling of having a prayer answered was just overwhelming
like a moment of success amidst many failed attempts

HE PROVIDED...
Thank you, GOD.

2009-05-11T08:50:00.004+08:00

I finally got it.

(",)

Currently feeling...

2009-05-05T09:38:00.003+08:00

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you, maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue
Knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as lost to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you, maybe I'm made more faithful...

Faithful by Brooke Fraser

RW's

2009-05-04T09:27:00.006+08:00

"Life is a series of problems. Either you are in one now, or you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to get into another one.

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character, than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy, than He is in making your life happy.

We need to ask ourselves:
Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?
Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do."

by Rick Warren

Shades of grey

2009-04-24T13:45:00.005+08:00

Just when i finished typing an uber long post, and highlighting the entire thing to change the font size, the whole post goes poof! Arghhhh...why did it have to happen?? Anyway, here goes my 2nd attempt. Hopefully there's still a small fragment of recollection. Blogging is such an ass whenever this happens. Urgh.

Okay, so I haven't been blogging for a while and honestly, i do not know what to blog / post about. My life? My daily routine? It all seems too mundane and boring to read or post about. Sometimes, when i'm inspired to write of a certain subject, the words don't come easy. Either that, or i get distracted and lazy. or the whole post goes poof, again! Anyway, enough of nonsensical ramblings.

The past 2 weeks have been a rather contemplative period for me. Sometime early April, i got called for an interview by an established pharmaceutical GLC. Personally, i believe interviews are good experiences which enable one to learn more of his/herself as well as build the necessary skills needed. So i went for the interview, with no expectations whatsoever, but for the experience sake. It was my personal challenge to see how far or well i could go. About a week later, i got a call. I was elated to know that i passed the interview.

So, the next stage was to meet with the Deputy GM (DGM). An appointment was made, but unfortunately, Mr. DGM fell sick and the meeting had to be postponed to the following week. But what followed next was an entire week of silence from the other party. I spent days contemplating if i should initiate contact, or just wait patiently, as they say it is a virtue to be patient. I decided to wait. Told myself, if they really decided to change their decision, there's nothing much i can do anyway. I tried to stop thinking about it.

Then came the following week, this week, and on the busiest day of the week, i get a suprising call. I was not forgotten. An appointment was made and i went for the meeting; again, with no expectations whatsoever. I found out that out of the many interviewed, only 3 were shortlisted, including myself. Great news! There's 2 vacancy, and currently, 1 is confirmed/filled. Well, to cut the long story short, and leave out all the tiny bitsy details of the meeting, the summary is: the job is really mine for the taking if i want it. Yes, i survived the interview. Thanks be to God, for providing me with this opportunity and seeing me through it. :)

ps: Mind you, it feels like a great accomplishment, considering that the Senior Manager, who interviewed me the first time around and whom i spoke to briefly before the meeting with Mr.DGM told me that his interview with Mr.DGM before joining the company was by far his hardest interview.

But here comes the dilemma. Because it is a GLC, there are certain policies and salary schemes which they need to adhere to, which in simple terms means that they can't pay me as much as what i'm currently getting.
BUT the exposure and experience they have to offer is definitely more and higher.

So many questions fill my mind..

"Am i willing to take up this job which offers a lower pay, but will incur more expenses on my side as i may need to move out and rent a place since it's situated all the way in Klang?
Am i working for the money or the knowledge and experience? Should the pay even be an issue?
Am i willing to lose the current work environment i'm in which God has so amazingly blessed me with; the friendly colleagues, and the many other things or gadgets that come along with it?
Am i willing to trade it all for another working experience altogether which may have issues like office politics considering it's such a large corporation?"
and many more....

It all sums down to one point.
Am i willing to take the risk? or am i being too impulsive by taking this risk?

I've spoken and shared with a couple of people and so far, the advices i have been getting are 50:50. Even my own thoughts are 50:50. Next best thing to do, is to consult my family, and see what they think about it. (time to call for another family meeting! hehe)

To those who read my blog,
well, if you want to help me out with this dilemma of mine, by offering some wise insights of yours, please do drop me a comment. I'd appreciate it cos i really need all the help i can get. There are many points to consider but i believe this new job offer will give me the career growth i need. It is also what i've envisioned myself doing, to be part of a department which is literally the think tank of the company! But much is also at stake. This is going to be a life changing decision.. a crossroad in my life.

I believe that God has placed me in my current company for a reason. There must be something that He wants me to do, or to learn. And i pray that with time, i will come to learn and discover what His will for me is. Hearing Him is still something i struggle with but i will not lose hope. I believe God opens up opportunities for us, but ultimately, it is our decision to make; and whether we make them wisely or not. That being said, i also think that not all opportunities are meant to be taken. Some say you should grab every opportunity that comes knocking but should u really do that? I honestly don't know. I wish life wasn't in shades of grey.

Cheers,
miss allylicious.

Easter

2009-04-12T20:15:00.011+08:00

Redemption. Salvation. The Cross.

Such abounding grace and great love that He should die in exchange for us... for me.

Thank you, Jesus.

" O Lord You've searched me

You know my way

Even when I fail You

I know You love me.

You made a way

When You said that it is done."

F.E.A.R

2009-04-07T21:30:00.003+08:00

Ever since Jan 2009, i've wanted to go to certain places within Malaysia, and Bukit Tabur was one of the places i intended to go in my "to-do" list. However, as days draw closer to the weekend of which i am supposed to go hiking at Bukit Tabur, i can feel the insides of my stomach churning, and my heart is so not at peace, with daunting thoughts and images floating around in my head.

About a week ago, 2 experienced hikers who are doctors by profession fell to their death while hiking at Bukit Tabur. And before this case, there has been numerous cases of accidents and fatalities. However, on a positive note, there are also those who managed and succeeded the climb. Nonetheless, everyone offers the same advice. The Bukit Tabur hike is NOT to be taken lightly. No matter what happens, NEVER let go off the rope.

I'm really having second thoughts about this hike. I don't think i'm physically and emotionally fit to endure whatever lies ahead in this challenge. I know i have a weak upper body strength, and that worries me to the core! How on earth will i manage climbing steep and rocky mountain ridges and vertical drops? Compared to all my previous "adventures", I've never experienced such uneasiness before. Arghhhh!!

The view is going to be awesome. The experience, definitely worthwhile. BUT, the risk, is terribly daunting! I need this excapade, yet..it gives me more stress than it should.

Should i go for it? Or should i trust my instincts which tell me not to go?

urrghhh. i don't know.

O ye of little faith... (speaking to myself)

Say No To EMO

2009-04-01T16:12:00.004+08:00

2009-03-31T10:35:00.010+08:00

Good timber does not grow easy.

What does not kill you, makes you stronger.

Uncertainty

2009-03-25T11:40:00.006+08:00

I'm sorry, Lord, for the times i relied on my own strength, rather than Yours.

I seek You, time and time again, to speak to my heart.

I long to hear Your voice, but my ears and heart still feel ever deaf.

Are You trying to speak to me, but i'm not hearing enough?

Are You trying to call me, but i'm not within calling distance?

Have i drifted that far unknowingly?

Am i seeking and asking with the wrong intentions? It can't be. There's no selfish purpose in merely wanting and longing to be able to have such an intimate relationship with You, to be ascertained of Your voice when You speak to me.

Or am i trying too hard?

I know there's more to life..but why doesn't it feel so?

Where is the joy? Where is the love? Where is the peace?

Why is there passion for Your ministry, yet no joy?

Composition in BM

2009-03-18T09:07:00.007+08:00

Inilah percubaan pertamaku untuk berkias dalam bahasa. :)

Inilah kisahku
Kaulah ilhamku
Mainan fikiran yang susah dihiraukan
Luahan perasaan yang kian terpendam

Ku rindu dakapannya
Lirik manisnya yang berbuih di bibir ku
Gelisah hatiku berjumpanya
Namun bagai ubatan bagi luka hatiku

Haruskah ku hirau bisikan hatiku
Yang dambakannya untuk bercinta lagi
Haruskah ku hirau khayalan yang bergenang dalam mindaku
Yang membuatkan hatiku rindunya lagi

Memori kita yang masih di sisi
Segalanya yang ternyata indah

Estrella Rocks!

2009-03-17T13:46:00.005+08:00

Wheeeeeeeee!! :)

I finally got my hands on Estrella's album, after searching high and low for it!

Liyana's an amazing lyricist and composer, and her bandmates are just awesomely talented as well.

It's good to see that our local music industry has so much talent, and that it's finally picking up.

Not to mention, these upcoming artists are from the jazz indie genre! My favourite! Oooolaalaaa!

Journey

2009-03-09T16:22:00.003+08:00

It's a long long journey
Till I know where i'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to You

Many days I've spent driffing on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose; wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter , I know I will cry
And I know I need to be close to You

Sometimes it feels like no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds up in me till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

And help me find my way home to You...

Of friendship

2009-03-06T09:26:00.007+08:00

How do you rekindle a long lost friendship? and the close bond once shared?

How do you remediate a sour friendship?

How do you sustain a friendship?

How do you keep it going strong, despite the waves of life circumstances that keep coming by?

How do you know if the friendship is worth the effort? If it's meant to be, or not? Is it by our own standards? Should it be so?

How do you mend or restore a broken friendship?

How do you stay focus on the course and not drift away? and not lose hope even upon straying from the course?

How do you prevent a friendship from falling like dawn?

How do you resuscitate a dying comafied friendship?

How do you find and reconnect the pieces when the puzzle's been left undone for quite some time?

Immortal Beloved

2009-03-03T21:41:00.006+08:00

I've been watching too many romantic movies and crying in every single one.
Made of Honor, Sex and the City..
Is this some sort of an emotional workout?
Cos i'm not too sure if i can lift the weights of my feelings...

Anyway...

This is dedicated to you, my Beloved.. whoever you may be, wherever you are..

Something so beautifully written by Ludwig van Beethoven - Immortal Beloved, the 3rd Letter. Enjoy.

**********************************

"Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once. Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together. Be calm. Love me - today, yesterday.. what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever thine - Ever mine - Ever ours."

*********************************

When will you write me a love letter?

Love-inspired

2009-03-03T09:11:00.005+08:00

I believe that a great piece of composition is often the product of one's reaction towards the experiences and emotions of life. But the other aspect that truly amazes me is how our extreme feelings towards a particular circumstance of life can give rise to great and impressive masterpieces. An example would be Vincent van Gogh. He suffered from mental disorders, financial difficulty and other crazy challenges. Yet, his paintings are now among the world's finest works of art. How such a broken person can create images that brim with beauty or write songs so good that they linger even decades later just doesn't fail to keep me in wonder and amazement.

Taking another famous personality from the Bible, and someone just like van Gogh, the apostle Paul endured significant lifelong struggles as well, but his career for Christ flourished. At one point, he wrote, "We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it." (2 Corinthians 1:8). He was pretty sure the end was near, but something kept him going.
What was it that kept him going? He spelled it out for us when he wrote, "We....learned to rely only on God. We have placed our confidence in Him, and He will continue to rescue us."

Sometimes, we think our only consolation is found in a change of circumstances, by eloping to a different environment altogether in hopes of putting the issue aside, hidden and swept under the rug, but God wants to console us right in the midst of our difficult circumstances, and to do it through Christ alone. I know i'm guilty of the former, of trying to take the easy way out sometimes, and not the road less taken. And i know, i need to deal with the issue rather than keep a pretense about it.
I mean, look at Paul. Despite the shitty mess he was in, imprisonment and etc, he was free to go on ministering to others because he was not pinned down by despair or fear. He was liberated, in soul and spirit, despite being imprisoned. I, on the other hand, am very much the opposite.

I just pray that despite the bitterness i sometimes feel about life, that God would use them to mould me, that i too, just like Van Gogh, will be able to produce a work of art out of the circumstances...that shall inspire others; and at the end of the day, reap a good harvest despite the constantly weathered soil.

Caution: Biohazard

2009-02-26T14:15:00.004+08:00

DONT MESS WITH ME.
I'M HAZARDOUS.

Snoopy goes sneaking again!

2009-02-25T14:07:00.006+08:00

So, the plan was to sneak into the club's swimming pool every Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Unfortunately, it was raining on and off yesterday. And driving all the way to the club seemed like a foolish idea. That's when a brilliant idea came to mind.

****************

Snoopy Ally:

Hey Becks, why dont we just try sneaking into the apartment's pool la? At least, if it rains, we still can walk home.. if we get caught, also no big problem will arise. I dont wanna take the risk drive all the way to the club and then cant swim. It's a waste of petrol. This apartment seems like the better choice if we're gonna do this in the long run.

Snoopy Becks:

Yea Yea!! We do that! No matter what, must swim! Yesterday's plan already tak jadi, WE CANNOT PROCRASTINATE!

Snoopy Ally:

Oi..you sure ah?? i'm scared laa...let's think of a plan first la..what to say etc.. in case we get caught or questioned by the guard.

Snoopy Becks:

Dont worry la..we simply say one unit number la...faster go change..

Snoopy Ally:

Wanna lie also lie la properly..what if the unit we give does not exist??

(its pretty obvious that i'm a detailed person, while Becks is the total opposite!)

****************

Can't really remember every detail of our conversation but after minutes of deliberation, we decided to go ahead with the master plan. We both got changed and the plan went underway. Since the apartment was within walking distance, we decided to walk. It came to this one particular road, with very territorious stray dogs who kept barking at us, trying to sniff our ass the entire time we walked the road. Very VERY traumatizing experience. On our way back, they got even bolder. We could literally feel them breathing down our legs!! Which is why...

"This sneaky stint must never be copied by kids at home. Do only under the supervision of adults."

When we arrived at the guard-house, we pretended to talk to each other and just walk past the guard without giving them direct eye-contact. And, good news is..we made it in...UN-CAUGHT and ALIVE! woohoooo!

First thing we headed straight for, was the mail area, where metal postboxes had each unit number engraved on it. Our lucky winner was unit B-10-05. Now, we have an even better and solid excuse incase we get caught. Awesomeness!

And to sum this whole exciting experience, Becks and i truly had a great time exercising. So good an exercise that we had cramps at the end of it all! Haha! The slight drizzle did not deter us from completing our 20 laps of the tiny pool as well..BUT a consequence out of this little adventure is Missy Ally is now sick, and down with a running nose that will not stop running.

Let's pray for speedy recovery because i have to back-up sing this Sunday! I seriously have a feeling that i'm jinx when it comes to serving in worship. Sorethroat again! urghhh...

Sneaky Snoopy?

2009-02-20T23:07:00.003+08:00

I shall commemorate this day as the day Becks and I successfully sneaked into the club's pool for a swim, considering we're non-members. So hurray to our sneaky and devious plans!

To the dear friend who advised me to exercise more, i thank you. I took the first step of making a change today. Will be sneaking in more often as Becks and I have decided to be sneaky every Monday, Tuesday and Friday.

I'm thinking of badminton on Mondays and Tuesdays though; and swimming on Fridays. I heard the gym has low surveillance too! So that could be part of our sneaky plan when we've become bolder.

But now, i just need to get a racquet. and some shuttlecocks! ;p

Anyway, back to the swim. It was good exercise. Much needed indeed. Can't wait for next week.

* It was good to be able to forget the bitterness within for a moment.

The 4 pillars??

2009-02-18T14:49:00.009+08:00

I'm ...

physically tired, despite not being involved in any strainous activities;

emotionally tested, thanks to all the rollercoaster-like circumstances in my life;

educationally demotivated, thanks to the lazy bug and the absence of willpower;

but most importantly... i'm still

spiritually seeking God, and His will for me in my life.

************************

I haven't given up entirely.

I just need to snap out of it.

Can i do it on my own?

Do i need the help of friends? I don't know.

Dependency can sometimes kill.

Dilemma, as usual.

************************

To Emma...

2009-02-15T23:43:00.004+08:00

This is Emma and today, marks a significant time of her life.

Yes, she got baptised today! woohooo!

So here's to you, my dear friend.. congratulations again :)

Hope you have a safe flight back to Kiwi-land tomorrow!

Will miss you much, and i hope, God-willing, we meet again end of the year.

Till then, take care and God bless!

*hugggsss*

Look Out Point : Pictures

2009-02-15T23:15:00.009+08:00

the entire view of KL from the observation tower

an upclose shot of KL

the view from the restaurant we ate in

me and J.Tiew. ;)

Attention: All Women

2009-02-13T13:43:00.003+08:00

To all the women i know in my life, be it family or friends, young or old, this is for you. I hope it encourages you; and inspires you to be all that you want to be and more. But above all, i hope you discover your self-worth, not in the eyes of the world, but in your own eyes and in the eyes of God.

Say NO to inferiority complex.

Say NO to the voices in your head that says "You are unworthy of anything".

Say NO to suppression.

By Rashmi Anand
Within you is the power
To be all you want to be
Yours is the right to discover
To see all that you wish to see.

You make the ultimate choices
To achieve what you want to achieve
Yours is the only decision
That guides yours thoughts and beliefs.

There is a world you have to experience
There are emotions you must go through,
But through it all you have to remember
The ultimate decision is made by you.

You hold in your hand the ability to recognize yourself,
The ability to realise your fullest potential.
Goddess Woman of the Elements, know yourself.

2009-02-10T23:20:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna pack it all into a suitcase, lock 'em up and put it aside. I just can't deal with it right now. Not with the right mind. There's just a fine line between the 2 feelings. I've packed and unpacked these feelings a countless times and oh, how I just despise myself for being so fickle-minded and naive; and terribly vulnerable.

I pretend to be strong, but i'm vulnerable inside. I play along with the pretense, acting like nothing ever happened, when in fact, it keeps me up, giving me sleepless nights. I pray for strength and wisdom to cope with it, but everytime God tries to work something in me, I let my stupid emotions get in the way. And i'm back to square one. I don't think i'm dealing with the situation too well. I hate pretending.

O Lord, my heart and my soul, I give You control. Consume me from the inside out, Lord.

Let justice and praise, become my embrace; to love You from the inside out.

Good thing i have all the ISO 14001 work to stress me out.
In a way, i'm proud of myself, that my boss has entrusted me, someone who's only been with the Company for only 6months, with the responsibility of being the Management Representative for the Company, preparing all the necessary documentations needed for the implementation of the environmental management system. It's a tonne of hardwork and googling and sentence construction and editing, but heck, i love it!
I know, it sounds like a bunch of jargons and gibberish nonsense but just bear with me. I'm ranting! arrrrghhhhh!!

My bloody insomnia is back. I couldn't sleep till 4am this morning. Same problem now and that's why i'm posting my 51th post. Not bad. I made it this far. My previous blogs had at most like what, less than 10 posts? Thinking i'm getting the hang of this whole blogging frenzy and its accompanying "addictiveness".

Urggh. I just want to say a little prayer and sleep it off. There's better things to worry about in the world.

the need to break free but this restricting cocoon is exactly what is needed to be free

2009-02-09T17:23:00.004+08:00

The story of the Moth and the Cocoon.

A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home, so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. One day, a small opening appeared, and he sat still, watching for several hours, as the moth struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then, it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared, as if, it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. It seemed to be stuck. Then, the man in his kindness, decided to help the moth. So, he took a pair of scissors, and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But, it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the moth, because he expected, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life, crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was, the restricting cocoon and the struggle, required for the moth to get through the tiny opening, were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the moth, into its wings, so it would be ready for flight, once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, the man deprived the moth of health.

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, He would cripple us.We would not be as strong, as what we could have been.

A timely serenade..

2009-02-06T16:01:00.004+08:00

It was helpless anyway
there's nothing much we could do or say
but darling don't you think it's a shame?
that it had to end this way?
so here's to say goodbye
our love is lost, and we can't figure why
maybe it really is about time; that we finally made up our minds.
soon you'll build new memories
then slowly you'd forget about me
and i would slowly be a distant memory
and it hurts me to know that that's all i'll ever be
that soon i'll just be that someone you used to know
it's not an easy thing for me to shake off our history
i know that's what you want from me but they will always stay with me...

someone you used to know
by Zee Avi / Koko Kaina

Liberation

2009-02-04T09:19:00.005+08:00

The truth hurts; yet it is very much needed to liberate me from the current state of denial i'm in.

On a positive note, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. And today, perhaps i did see a glimpse of it, from afar. Not alot of it, but enough to keep me going till i finally reach the end. At least I see my direction now. And it's better than groping around in the dark.

On another note, i'm being positive. And that's a good sign of recovery.

I suppose it was very much needed after all.. as much as it hurts.

Thank you for the brutal honesty.

Cheers :)

Mission Accomplished

2009-02-01T00:13:00.006+08:00

Yay! Broga Hill - check!

Now, i;m down with only 4 more places to visit :)

Mission#1 accomplished and its a bloody good feeling. Not to mention, the company was great too.
Thanks (in no particular order) to :-

Ruth, Ben, Lois and Joseph

for accompanying me on this tiny excapade!

You made the experience all the more greater.

Inspirational Friendship

2009-01-23T10:03:00.004+08:00

A few years ago, on the campus of Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, Michigan, I often saw Sarah, Patti, and Rachel together. Whether on the way to class, the library or the dining hall, they could be found talking happily or involved in deep discussion. Sarah and Patti met in their first semester and Rachel became friends with them a few years later. The three young women became the best of friends.

What was unusual about their friendship is that Sarah is visually impaired and Patti uses a wheelchair. Although she was unable to see, Sarah would often push Patti's wheelchair from class to class. Patti provided the eyes, Sarah the propulsion. Sometimes, Rachel provided direction and wheelchair power. Sarah helped Patti with her laundry, and Rachel and Patti both read to Sarah. According to Patti, Rachel was selfless in giving her friends the assistance they needed.

These three friends supported one another physically, emotionally, and spiritually, using their individual strengths to compensate for the weaknesses of the others. Perhaps the strongest element in their relationship was the spiritual support they gave one another. They had great devotional times together, encouraging and challenging one another to be more like Jesus.

(- this article was taken from Our Daily Journey's Jan 14 devotional material.-)

To me, they illustrated what Christian friendship is all about. It is demonstrated in generosity and kindness to others.

I John 3 : 18

Let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

It produces deep relationships and much needed companionship. It sees real needs and responds to them.

In giving, we receive.

In sacrificing, we are richly blessed.

In serving others, our own needs are met.

**************************

Dear sis,

I do not know if you will read this post of mine. I was just reading your latest post on your latest blog. Patience u say. I know it's hard living with this family. I know sometimes, i give u a hard time too, especially in the past. I'm glad we've moved on to a better extend of our relationship, compared to how horrible it was in the past. I don't know if i've ever expressed my gratitude to you for being there for me whenever i needed a listening ear and an understanding, forgiving heart but i want you to know, that deep down in my heart, i really do treasure u; as my sister, and closest girlfriend. As i type this message, tears are flowing and i'm at work! darn it..but it doesn't matter. Anyway, i hope the article above relates and inspires you. We all have funny ways of expressing our love for one another. Sometimes, our actions do not reflect our intentions. Other times, we let anger, frustration and ego get their way. But through it all, let's be patient with one another. Romans 12:12; "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
And remember this. Ultimately, love is where God and family is.

With much love,

your fatty sister :)

***********************

Dear Me,

This article is a good reminder to yourself. You've never experienced the kind of friendship that Sarah, Patti and Rachel have, but nonetheless, you do have some great friends who do not mind going the distance for u.

Friends who would go looking for a red dress with you because you need it ASAP;
friends who don't mind driving you around when u need to do certain chores;
friends who would come all the way to the mamak at your house just to hang out although it's 30 kilometres away;
friends who don't mind you crashing their house when you have nowhere else to go to kill time before an appointment;

friends who try their very best to cheer u up after u've done badly in an exam or test
friends who accommodate you and treat you with so much love and care when they have only known you for months;
friends who share their cooking recipes with you when you ask for it;
friends who would help you solve your craving of eating at a certain restaurant or a certain dish by bringing you there; and

friends who would take pictures with you for multiple tries just so you can settle on one with you looking the best...

You need to learn to give more, and expect less because in giving, we receive. And i'm glad that you've come to realise that for quite some time now. But i still believe there's room for improvement. I know there's a small part of you that wishes you belonged in a group of friends who would always call you out/do everything with you, but hey! isn't that being clique-ish? It may help you feel secure but it may also cause you to be dependent. You're an independent woman. Be content with what you have and don't give room for expectations to creep in cos disappointment might follow suit. You need to love yourself more. Focus on the good stuff of life, not the bad. Learn to love, and still be joyful about it even when others do not love you back. Have the courage to confront your friends when you know something's wrong somewhere. You really need to encourage and challenge one another to be more like Jesus, because that's what's expected of you. Be thankful and grateful at all times, especially for the little things of life that God has so blessed you with. Have faith it'll all work out, as long as you keep the good faith, perservere and continue to run the race.

Love,

Your ownself.

Is it ME?

2009-01-21T09:23:00.004+08:00

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

*****************

I dont find myself with plenty of dates! but other than that..quite true i suppose..
Here's the link for those interested. Apparently it's quite accurate. Be spontaneous! Just give it a go! :)

Try it. http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

If I could turn back time...

2009-01-19T12:27:00.003+08:00

I don't know why i did the things i did, and i don't know why i said the things i said
But i wish i could turn back time and undo the damage done

I didn't really mean to hurt you
I just didn't want to see you go
But what's done is done and all that's left now is only memories of us

Can we ever go back to how we used to be?

2009-01-18T23:29:00.005+08:00

" You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.

What you'll discover will be wonderful.

What you'll discover is yourself. "

- Alan Alda

Piasau

2009-01-16T11:27:00.008+08:00

Isn't the color amazing? So serenely picturesque

Aiyoh, im a real stalker..but i like stalking because it's amazing how much interesting information one can get by stalking because one information leads to another and it goes on and on! All it takes is a curious cat :)
Anyway, i've discovered another interesting place to visit!
Thanks to stalking :)
It's the Piasau Boat Club, Borneo's Premier Sports and Leisure Club in Miri.

I think PBC is a very nice place to take photographs and just chill-lax with friends or strangers..haha!

One day, if i really do plan a trip to Miri, i would want to take a similar picture of the scene at the exact spot.

Sometimes, i wonder if i'm in the right line of career.
A travel spokesperson.
I think that's what i'll do when i've made my money(God-willing) and my kids (God-willing also) are all grown up and independent of their parents.
Its easy money and maximum enjoyment and pleasure...

ahh...

*daydreams of the future

so now its 4 on my places-to-go list...yaay! =D

2009-01-15T10:08:00.003+08:00

Honestly, im really thankful for some of the friends i have.
Despite our differences sometimes, especially in terms of opinion, approach and method, we still accept each other; in strength and in weakness.
We're not afraid to share our innermost thoughts and seek consult on the troubles/problems that we face.
Each passing day is an attempt to learn to encourage one another spiritually. sometimes, mentally and physically.
We'd go the distance for one another.
No matter how lame or funny something is, we'll all still laugh. actually, i think we laugh alot at each other. ;p
In a way, we've gone through so much ups and downs together. And guess what, we're still here! We've persevered and made it this far.
In a journey that i thought i would go alone, you guys have made me realise that im not alone after all..
Thanks for always being there, my friend.

Praise God for the blessings that come in the form of friends :)

2009-01-15T09:46:00.003+08:00

I had the weirdest dream this morning.
okayy, maybe its not so weird, but it was different..provocative in a different way too.
It felt like i was caught between virtual reality and the REAL reality.
Scary part was my body actually responded in some kind of way to the dream.

Anyway...

Let's not think pervertishly. Its not a wet dream. :)

Currently feeling...

2009-01-09T10:33:00.004+08:00

i hung up the phone tonight
something happened for the first time deep inside
it was a rush, what a rush

'cause the possibility

that you would ever feel the same way about me

it's just too much, just too much

why do i keep running from the truth?

all i ever think about is you

you got me hypnotized, so mesmerized

and i've just got to know

do you ever think when you're all alone

all that we can be, where this thing can go?

am i crazy or falling in love?

is it real or just another crush?

do you catch a breath when i look at you?

are you holding back like the way i do?

'cause i'm trying and trying to walk away

but i know this crush ain't goin' away

has it ever crossed your mind when we're hanging, spending time
are we just friends or is there more?

it's a chance we've got to take

'cause i believe that we can make this into something that will last

last forever

** Crush, by David Archuleta

didn't really like the song at first but today, it hit me..

i've actually been feeling every bit of the lyric..

(and nothing connects me more to a song than its lyrics..)

urghh... emo...

ps. i'm really trying and trying hard to walk away..

X-ploration

2009-01-07T13:53:00.007+08:00

1st post for the year 2009! woohoooo!

* finally, i have something to blog about.. hmm..

Anyway...

I really like exploring new places, hence, the title to the post.

Why do i like exploring new places? Well, i suppose the adventure is exhilarating and somewhat motivating as well. I've come to realize that new places inspire me and give me a renewed enthusiasm for life. A positive outlook is what i desperately need now!

So what do i do when i have some free time off work but during office hours? I surf for interesting places to visit or go. I check out the reviews written and pictures taken of these such places and i realize how much i've been "hiding" in that tiny shell of comfort of mine, missing out on the many wonders of God's creation all these while. And these places are really close to home actually. Ignorant me!

So well, if there's ONE resolution that i have for this year, it would be to explore more. Currently, i do have some countries in mind..but nonetheless, or more importantly, i have some interesting places within Malaysia that i "die die also must go"..

Currently on the list, i.e. in the midst of planning :)

Sunrise @ Broga Hill

Apparently it is the place to go to catch the sunrise. Honestly, i have not heard of Broga Hill until a colleague told me to check out her Broga Hill pictures on her blog and seeing the pictures taken during the trek flamed my interest. Since it is considerably close to home, i have to check it out.

There are 3 summits altogether. The 1st summit is a great spot to catch the sunrise. The 2nd summit, is said to be much windier and offers a great view of the surrounding rolling hills. The 3rd summit offers a great view of the 2nd summit. It's a short and easy trek all in all. Estimated time of completing all 3 summits, to and fro is by afternoon. Sounds alright to me..hmm..

Bukit Tabur

Also known as Bukit Hangus, this hill is of quartz/limestone combination formation. The Gombak Forest Reserve and Klang Gates Dam are beside the hill so apparently the peak offers a spectacular view of the dam.

A challenging and rocky trek. Bring it on, man!

Mamutik Island, Sabah

Met a friend's boyfriend who is from KK, Sabah recently and so, i had to ask him about Mamutik, an island that i read of while stalking some famous person's blog. It's been bugging me for a while now why Mamutik isn't a famous tourist spot in KK. So this is what i discovered.. Apparently, Sabahans try not to talk about Mamutik so much because they fear it might end up being overused and overpopulated like Manukan. Manukan beach is overrated but Mamutik is definitely underrated. Apparently, it is also one of Sabah's treasured island..which explains why they want to protect it so much. Anyway, the place looks awesome just from pictures..so imagine the real thing! I need to check it out for myself. Beach, bikini, boys, booze.. ooolaaalaaa!

Pulau Tiga, Sabah

Here's where they filmed one season of Survivors. Nuff said.

** it's only 4 places so far, but i don't want to get too ambitious and fail to achieve NONE at the end. Set my goals reasonably and i'll be able to achieve them..God-willing.. :)

I'll have some pictures of the places when the real x-ploration begins!

Can't wait!

Cheers to 2009!

random ramblings

2008-12-31T12:01:00.004+08:00

So..its New Year's Eve..hmm..WHAT ARE MY PLANS??

My boss, Mr. J called (that was really random of him..but oh well..its a good thing i guess?) and asked what are my plans for New Year's Eve and i said i had no plans! (why did i have to be so stupidly honest?!! then again, we're not suppose to lie..) and he went "What??!! No plans?? Come on! You're still young! etc etc etc.."
And there i was..given a lecture (all the way from Singapore) on how i should be enjoying life and doing something because i am still young of age..sighz..now he must think i;m some boring girl!

i kinda regret not lying. i should have said i was going to have some drinks and chill out with some friends, but i didn't. would he even bring me for social outings next time? haha..i doubt it.. but talking about having some drinks and chilling out, i really want to do that.. i guess i just don't know who to call?
siv told me he wanted to introduce me to his bunch of close friends but i havent heard from him for 5 days now..and he's all the way in JB.. wow, another disappointment i guess.. how things have abruptly changed in such a short duration of time. but that's life. i dont want to be depressing about it but naturally, i become depressed about it. sucky feeling totally..

met up with some high school mates and some of them are pretty good drinkers. its the drinking that helps them socialise and meet more people. sometimes, it seems like drinking makes them happy too. from the outside it seems as though people who drink are really happy cheery people. are they?? this isn't a good thought but sometimes..i do wish i belong in that category as well..an inner desire to be a competent alcoholic drinker.

while driving to work, every radio station was practically talking about resolutions. honestly, i cant even remember my resolutions for this year! how frustrating.. and demoralising..

i wanted to see the doctor yesterday but i waited for 45 minutes and the doctor hasnt even arrived. i gave up waiting and drove away.. my flu got worse (as usual) and this time, while blowing my nose, i discovered tiny globules of blood in my mucus. whoa..awesome discovery.. the blood globules really stand out and they were perfectly spherical in shape. showed it to my sisters..haha..major amusement for all.. anyway, it was really difficult to inhale and exhale and breath with only ONE functional nostril, and this went on for 4 days! i could hardly smell let alone have a proper taste of my food. Another sucky feeling totally..

couldn't sleep last night too, despite being very tired physically and mentally.. don't know why.. had to bribe my body into having some roti canai with hopes that it would surrender and rest, but no luck.. was up for another hour.. decided to do a proper prayer (one without me sleeping off while praying) and so, i talked to Him for a good long half an hour. i must say.. prayer is a powerful healing tool. For 5 days, i had been stupidly relying on my own ability (and perhaps even the doctor's ability) of trying to rid myself of the flu and cough but He cured it within a night. Awesomeness i would say :) God, you totally rock!
i guess i didn't want to bug Him with such petty issues, thinking i could solve them all on my own cos He's got better things to worry about but i realize that He wants to know it all..small or big the burden..

2008-12-31T11:54:00.012+08:00

she looks pretty when she smiles..

i wonder why she doesn't smile as often as she should..

she seems like a different person yet similar in some ways..

perhaps beneath those smiles, she is as insecure as i am?

Go away-lah, flu!

2008-12-30T16:11:00.000+08:00

I'm as sick as a dog.. have been so for the past 3 days..
i hope its nothing serious..
*cough cough cough*
Being sick with no one to pamper you with TLC is horrible..maybe that's why i;m not getting better..but shouldn't i be used to the loneliness and singlehood by now? haha.. funny eh..
When will my knight in shining armour come?? sighz... i don't even mind if he doesn;t have an armour..

:( :( :(

2008-12-24T10:59:00.006+08:00

It's just not the same anymore.

The fear of what is to come has come.

Nothing is what it seems sometimes.

It's all just a facade.

Am i thinking too much or is it just you who's not thinking enough?
How do i stop then? How do i stop myself from feeling the way i do?

Wheee!

2008-12-22T11:30:00.000+08:00

At 10am, i got a suprising message..

"Hi Alicia. This is Zandra from FBC. Chee Seng and I are leading Christmas service and are wondering if u would like to sing backup. Practice is at 7pm tomorrow night at FBC. Let me know asap. Thanks."

I wanted to be in the main worship team, but never had the guts to approach the Worship Coordinator.
And today, i get a message from them..should i be elated?

I am... wheeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! :) ;) ;p

** God, is this You making a way for me? If it is, or even if it isn't, thank you for hearing the tiny whispers of my heart..for creating this "stepping stone" for me so that i can have courage to pursue bigger and greater things for Your glory..though it may only be a part-time thingy (who knows..they may never call me again next time), i hope things would work out for the better and it would become another full-time ministry that i can serve You in..thank you again, for Your faithfulness and blessings..

So soon..

2008-12-22T10:09:00.002+08:00

Another year is soon to come and go. There is only a little more than a week left to usher in the new year, denoting a new chapter. So quickly, and we run out of time again..

This last 1 1/2 weeks of December feels like a week of final assessment. Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas too..perhaps its due to my procrastination in planning and getting things done. It is at this point of the year too that people start to look into plans for the year to come. Some seek to be better, some seek to reach goals, while some are content with the way things are. Which am i?

This year saw many happenings, both in the global perspective as well as personal. I think whatever happened, big or small, significant or insignificant, they all become baggages that will be carried together with me into the future and i want to try to lose some of that.. :)

Reminder to self:
Do not forget the true meaning of Christmas..that Christ became human so that God's will be done.. it's not about the giving of gifts..

movie-marathoning

2008-12-19T16:00:00.004+08:00

Jason Statham...ooolaalaa..

The Transporter 3 is a must watch.
But Benji said Transporter 2 was nicer..hmm..

List of movies to watch:
Transporter 1
Transporter 2
Death Race

...thats all for now...more to come im sure...wheeeee!!!! :)

dilemma

2008-12-19T09:00:00.003+08:00

i really want to get away on the 26th.. but it seems very unlikely that i will be able to..
i know its a selfish attempt but it's something i have always wanted to do for myself..something i've wanted to cross out of the checklist a long long time ago..
i know it all seems silly and last minute and too "adventurous" but where's all the fun if everything was so pre-arranged and predictable?

i wanna get away but i wanna be at the dinner as well..cos its gonna be an encouraging time of sharing and pot-blessing..lots of yummy food..kids to play with.. etc..

i dont know...what do i do?

dilemma..

so many places i wanna go to..yet... :(

blah..

Goodbye

2008-12-12T08:47:00.004+08:00

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left, you kissed my lips

You told me you would never, never forget

These images
No

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Expectations and disappointment

2008-12-07T09:23:00.004+08:00

When you have certain expectations, there's bound to be disappointment when those expectations are not met. When you don't have expectations, disappointment will still find its way to taunt you.

I want neither of it.. it's making life so miserable..

But i find solace in His words..

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.....Endure hardship as discipline. God is treating you as sons (and daughters)... " Hebrews 12

A reminder to self:

Stop putting your hopes and expectations on people. They MAY disappoint. God doesn't.

When filled with disappointment, anger and frustration, GET A GRIP AND MOVE ON! don't dwell in the zone too long.. its damaging.

Last but not least, good or bad..take it all in with a SMILE..

Easier said than done..haih..urghh..

Medley frenzy

2008-12-02T16:22:00.005+08:00

This is so cool! the singing is not bad, the drumming quite cekap and the guitaring is chun! Found it on YouTube and it totally made my day :)

Now, i wanna do something like that too. I just need to recruit 2 more "band" members/crazy friends willing to embark on this medley madness with me..i'll do the vocal of course! hehe..

Any takers? No experience needed; just a musically-inclined soul will do. Guaranteed satisfaction at the end of our attempt ;p

Haha, enjoy anyway!