Good timber does not grow easy.

What does not kill you, makes you stronger.

Uncertainty

I'm sorry, Lord, for the times i relied on my own strength, rather than Yours.

I seek You, time and time again, to speak to my heart.

I long to hear Your voice, but my ears and heart still feel ever deaf.

Are You trying to speak to me, but i'm not hearing enough?

Are You trying to call me, but i'm not within calling distance?

Have i drifted that far unknowingly?

Am i seeking and asking with the wrong intentions? It can't be. There's no selfish purpose in merely wanting and longing to be able to have such an intimate relationship with You, to be ascertained of Your voice when You speak to me.

Or am i trying too hard?

I know there's more to life..but why doesn't it feel so?

Where is the joy? Where is the love? Where is the peace?

Why is there passion for Your ministry, yet no joy?

Composition in BM

Inilah percubaan pertamaku untuk berkias dalam bahasa. :)

Inilah kisahku
Kaulah ilhamku
Mainan fikiran yang susah dihiraukan
Luahan perasaan yang kian terpendam

Ku rindu dakapannya
Lirik manisnya yang berbuih di bibir ku
Gelisah hatiku berjumpanya
Namun bagai ubatan bagi luka hatiku

Haruskah ku hirau bisikan hatiku
Yang dambakannya untuk bercinta lagi
Haruskah ku hirau khayalan yang bergenang dalam mindaku
Yang membuatkan hatiku rindunya lagi

Memori kita yang masih di sisi
Segalanya yang ternyata indah

(c) Alicia Choy.

Estrella Rocks!

Wheeeeeeeee!! :)

I finally got my hands on Estrella's album, after searching high and low for it!

Liyana's an amazing lyricist and composer, and her bandmates are just awesomely talented as well.

It's good to see that our local music industry has so much talent, and that it's finally picking up.

Not to mention, these upcoming artists are from the jazz indie genre! My favourite! Oooolaalaaa!

Journey

It's a long long journey
Till I know where i'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to You

Many days I've spent driffing on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose; wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter , I know I will cry
And I know I need to be close to You

Sometimes it feels like no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds up in me till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

And help me find my way home to You...

Of friendship

How do you rekindle a long lost friendship? and the close bond once shared?

How do you remediate a sour friendship?

How do you sustain a friendship?

How do you keep it going strong, despite the waves of life circumstances that keep coming by?

How do you know if the friendship is worth the effort? If it's meant to be, or not? Is it by our own standards? Should it be so?

How do you mend or restore a broken friendship?

How do you stay focus on the course and not drift away? and not lose hope even upon straying from the course?

How do you prevent a friendship from falling like dawn?

How do you resuscitate a dying comafied friendship?

How do you find and reconnect the pieces when the puzzle's been left undone for quite some time?

Immortal Beloved

I've been watching too many romantic movies and crying in every single one.
Made of Honor, Sex and the City..
Is this some sort of an emotional workout?
Cos i'm not too sure if i can lift the weights of my feelings...

Anyway...

This is dedicated to you, my Beloved.. whoever you may be, wherever you are..

Something so beautifully written by Ludwig van Beethoven - Immortal Beloved, the 3rd Letter. Enjoy.

**********************************

"Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once. Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together. Be calm. Love me - today, yesterday.. what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever thine - Ever mine - Ever ours."

*********************************

When will you write me a love letter?

Love-inspired

I believe that a great piece of composition is often the product of one's reaction towards the experiences and emotions of life. But the other aspect that truly amazes me is how our extreme feelings towards a particular circumstance of life can give rise to great and impressive masterpieces. An example would be Vincent van Gogh. He suffered from mental disorders, financial difficulty and other crazy challenges. Yet, his paintings are now among the world's finest works of art. How such a broken person can create images that brim with beauty or write songs so good that they linger even decades later just doesn't fail to keep me in wonder and amazement.

Taking another famous personality from the Bible, and someone just like van Gogh, the apostle Paul endured significant lifelong struggles as well, but his career for Christ flourished. At one point, he wrote, "We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it." (2 Corinthians 1:8). He was pretty sure the end was near, but something kept him going.
What was it that kept him going? He spelled it out for us when he wrote, "We....learned to rely only on God. We have placed our confidence in Him, and He will continue to rescue us."

Sometimes, we think our only consolation is found in a change of circumstances, by eloping to a different environment altogether in hopes of putting the issue aside, hidden and swept under the rug, but God wants to console us right in the midst of our difficult circumstances, and to do it through Christ alone. I know i'm guilty of the former, of trying to take the easy way out sometimes, and not the road less taken. And i know, i need to deal with the issue rather than keep a pretense about it.
I mean, look at Paul. Despite the shitty mess he was in, imprisonment and etc, he was free to go on ministering to others because he was not pinned down by despair or fear. He was liberated, in soul and spirit, despite being imprisoned. I, on the other hand, am very much the opposite.

I just pray that despite the bitterness i sometimes feel about life, that God would use them to mould me, that i too, just like Van Gogh, will be able to produce a work of art out of the circumstances...that shall inspire others; and at the end of the day, reap a good harvest despite the constantly weathered soil.

Caution: Biohazard

DONT MESS WITH ME.
I'M HAZARDOUS.

Snoopy goes sneaking again!

So, the plan was to sneak into the club's swimming pool every Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Unfortunately, it was raining on and off yesterday. And driving all the way to the club seemed like a foolish idea. That's when a brilliant idea came to mind.

****************

Snoopy Ally:

Hey Becks, why dont we just try sneaking into the apartment's pool la? At least, if it rains, we still can walk home.. if we get caught, also no big problem will arise. I dont wanna take the risk drive all the way to the club and then cant swim. It's a waste of petrol. This apartment seems like the better choice if we're gonna do this in the long run.

Snoopy Becks:

Yea Yea!! We do that! No matter what, must swim! Yesterday's plan already tak jadi, WE CANNOT PROCRASTINATE!

Snoopy Ally:

Oi..you sure ah?? i'm scared laa...let's think of a plan first la..what to say etc.. in case we get caught or questioned by the guard.

Snoopy Becks:

Dont worry la..we simply say one unit number la...faster go change..

Snoopy Ally:

Wanna lie also lie la properly..what if the unit we give does not exist??

(its pretty obvious that i'm a detailed person, while Becks is the total opposite!)

****************

Can't really remember every detail of our conversation but after minutes of deliberation, we decided to go ahead with the master plan. We both got changed and the plan went underway. Since the apartment was within walking distance, we decided to walk. It came to this one particular road, with very territorious stray dogs who kept barking at us, trying to sniff our ass the entire time we walked the road. Very VERY traumatizing experience. On our way back, they got even bolder. We could literally feel them breathing down our legs!! Which is why...

"This sneaky stint must never be copied by kids at home. Do only under the supervision of adults."

:)

When we arrived at the guard-house, we pretended to talk to each other and just walk past the guard without giving them direct eye-contact. And, good news is..we made it in...UN-CAUGHT and ALIVE! woohoooo!

First thing we headed straight for, was the mail area, where metal postboxes had each unit number engraved on it. Our lucky winner was unit B-10-05. Now, we have an even better and solid excuse incase we get caught. Awesomeness!

And to sum this whole exciting experience, Becks and i truly had a great time exercising. So good an exercise that we had cramps at the end of it all! Haha! The slight drizzle did not deter us from completing our 20 laps of the tiny pool as well..BUT a consequence out of this little adventure is Missy Ally is now sick, and down with a running nose that will not stop running.

Let's pray for speedy recovery because i have to back-up sing this Sunday! I seriously have a feeling that i'm jinx when it comes to serving in worship. Sorethroat again! urghhh...