Systems and processes are created for a reason. That there may be an order to the way things are done. And if everyone follows this order in the right manner, life would be so much better; increased efficiency, zero confusion, added value, thereby improving customer satisfaction.

When I was dropping Sam off at Puduraya the other day, I was so cheesed off with what I observed and experienced first hand from some of the bus operators and drivers from K*nsorti*m. Mind you, K*nsorti*m is one of the major provider in this field!

The Puduraya bus terminal has undergone a massive facelift and it seems to be quite a good progress or improvement from the past. Bus schedules of all the different bus operators and the different destinations bound are listed on screen, implemented to the likes of LCCT and KLIA. The huge, clean, comfortable, air-conditioned waiting area and automated sliding doors to the boarding area was pretty impressive honestly!

So 15 minutes before Sam's bus was due to depart, we both went down to the boarding area to look for the designated bus as projected on the screen earlier. It says P19 (Platform 19) , PFT 6688. When we got down, the specified bus was not at sight. A different one was. So naturally, passengers began asking the Konsortium staff if this is the bus. That fella confidently said "No, this is not the bus. Go to the double decker bus outside of the Puduraya Terminal. That's the bus to your location." Since he said it with such confidence, and considering that he is a Konsortium staff, of course people would take his word for it. So everyone went out of the platform area to the double decker buses waiting just outside of Puduraya. Upon getting there, the bus clearly stated "To Kamunting". Ok, i'm starting to get a weird feeling about this. And so i told Sam something isn't right. Cause it just doesn't feel right. His bus was suppose to depart at 5.00pm. But we've been standing around the area till 5.20pm and the bus driver was making no attempts to even start the engine! So we walked a little further and say 2 Konsortium guys in uniform and decided to ask them. (Again, because they wore the uniform, they would be considered a reliable source for information). We told him the entire situation, saying that we're suppose to board PFT 6688 bound for Penang according to the screen but we were directed here. Is this the bus? How come it's different? That dude said "Oh, memang macam itu. Tak boleh ikut skrin punya. Sistem itu untuk tunjuk saja." So i asked him back. "Kalau tak boleh ikut skrin, kenapa ada sistem canggih macam ini tapi tak ikut?" He replied "Biasalah".

His explanation still left me feeling very unsettled, and very worried, considering what happened int he recent Cameron Highlands bus crash and also because I didn't want Sam missing his bus back due to boarding the wrong bus. Anyway, because parking in Puduraya was so expensive, I had to rush to quickly exit the parking, before they charge me an additional RM2.80 for exceeding the hour by 5 mins. Despite the paranoia and skepticism, I had to leave with faith that he will be alright, and so will the bus be. After I left, thankfully Sam decided to clarify with another guy sitting around nearby who seemed like the bus driver and guess what? The driver said "No, this bus does not go to Penang." Sam quickly ran into the platform in Puduraya, where the bus was designated to be initially, and guess what again! PFT 6688 was there this time. The system works! The buses do follow this system!

Now, why do we deserve to be angry? Here's why. Despite procedures and processes being established for the improvement of current operations, some people and companies are just plain lazy to follow, for plain dumb reasons - the typical too-complacent-to-change syndrome. And it was thanks to these kind of people, that got us (and probably many many more) misled to think that the new system is a flop, as expected of many government projects. They do not realize that a possible consequence to their foolish action and mindset is the real hindrance of EFFECTIVE operational progress and improvement.

It is also thanks to people like these that the country can't develop as progressively as it should. And this applies to work as well! In every corporation/SME, there will be people like these. And as long as they are not made (be it forced or gently) to change, they will continue to be like this, continue to affect others to being like them too, and therefore, keep this undesirable attitude in existence, which slowly mutates into a culture, carried on from one generation to another.

The core change that needs to be done is not so much of the operating system - it is the MINDSET of the "operators".

The fragility of friendship

As I was driving to work today, flashbacks of certain incidents at work came to mind. And it left me feeling really antsy when I entered the office this morning.

A colleague whom I thought was a friend, has been backstabbing me behind my back, somewhat "educating" a new staff that joined and even other colleagues of all the "privileges" I get at work, of how presumably I may have an affair with the boss, how terrible my attitude is, how bossy I am, and the list goes on and on and on. Mind you, she was of a different company (a sister company), under a completely different payroll, different reporting authorities and completely different job-scopes! For her to be making such accusations from the sideline, to the extent of degrading my morality, and spreading it around to the entire office is just way out of line. Though sad that our so-called friendship has taken this turn, I'm glad she left the company. But the pain and scar of her sting remains, even till this very day.

What saddens me is that it made me realize how fragile our friendship was. How fragile friendships can generally be. How this world is a stage and everyone is playing out their roles, putting on a facade, a mask! Despite the many times she was being insensitive, hurling blunt and sarcastic comments at me, lashing out her tantrums and mood-swings at me, I took it all in and tolerated because that was the right thing to do. At least it felt right at that point of time, but in hindsight now, I realized I should have done something about it. I should have defended myself. I should have made her realize on those instances how crudely insensitive she was being. I should have stood up against the status quo. But I didn't. My fear held me back. Why? Because I didn't want to start a war and cause more damage.

That being said, I have to admit, I am not one who just forgives and forgets. Albeit it being an undesirable trait, it is the epitome of human frailty. And that's what i am, merely human..and an imperfect one..

So here I am, feeling betrayed, feeling the need to have closure, to confront her for her actions because someone needs to stand up to her, wake her up from that delusional mindset she has that everyone else is problematic except her, and tell her the consequences of telling tales (not facts) of someone else can be THAT detrimental and how it is absolutely wrong! Coming in to the office day by day, seeing the very same faces of those who were accomplices to some extent, though not necessarily in the same capacity, just keeps reminding me of this emotional baggage I carry. I wish i could cut the weight loose, but doing so, might come with consequences. And i'm not sure if i can deal with the consequences. Sigh.

This is one of the reasons I do not enjoy work as much anymore. I believe people are a very important aspect to any organization. Having a balanced dynamics is a crucial factor to a company's well-being and success and in some significant way, employee performance and passion as well. But here I am, stuck in this rut, where I have learnt the hard way that no one can ever be trusted, and how, in the midst of their insecurities, people will just find a way to attack because in their minds, I am the cause of their insecurity. Yet another lesson I've learnt. Not to let people read your emotions easily or tell them how you feel because even the slightest, most innocent of comments, somehow, Colleague A will tell Colleague B and colleague B, being the insecure person he is, will act out of emotions and do things that will disrupt whatever dynamics/trust/respect there is left in the relationship.

So here I am, frustrated and feeling the desperate need to do devotion this morning, and guess what? God's timing is ever as perfect again! I logged into www.ymiblogging.org , my regular devotion site, and the devotion of the day from ODB reads "The Benefit of the Doubt". A very common phrase used in legal matters. And it talks about how perhaps, we as Christians, can apply this legalistic term into our daily relationships as well. Quoted here, an excerpt of the passage.

love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Leon Morris, in the Tyndale New Testament Commentaries, says this about the phrase “believes all things”: “To see the best in others . . . . This does not mean that love is gullible, but that it does not think the worst (as is the way of the world). It retains its faith. Love is not deceived . . . but it is always ready to give the benefit of the doubt.”

When we hear something negative about others or we’re suspicious about the motive for their actions, let’s stop before we judge their intentions as wrong or bad. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. — Anne Cetas

This passage is indicating to me what I should do. Some sort of divine intervention perhaps.
But these are the battling, counter-offering thoughts in my head instead.

How do you expect me to see the best in others when they keep seeing the worst in me?
How do you expect me to give others the benefit of the doubt, when they don't give me the benefit of the doubt?
How do I love my enemy?

How do I love a friend who betrays/betrayed me?

In reading, the teachings of the Bible seem so simplistic sometimes , but in reality, I think they are far beyond simple. They are challenging and complicating, and not easily done! Oh how I fall short of the glory of God.

This unresolved feelings or thoughts will always be my dirty laundry.
If only cleaning "it" was literally as simple as taking "it" to the laundry. If only the act and consequence is as simple.

Sad to say, I think I'm one step further from believing or placing any hope in friendships. Why believe in something so fragile, so insecure? Why open up your vulnerable heart to trust only to gain disappointment and heartaches in the end? Why believe that friendships can last when people can change so easily? How can a genuine friendship exist when people are so ingenuine by nature?

Canonica Ixusia

My spanking new baby :)

(Bought : 8 January 2011)

Have always wanted to get my own camera for quite some time now, but the need for it was "expedited" due to the upcoming business trip to the States and the desperate need for a camera as mom would be needing the family-owned camera.

Definitely contemplated to get a semi-pro camera, like the Canon Powershot S95 or G12 as it would only cost a couple of hundreds more (like +500-1000) but as this year is foreseen to be a year with a lot of spending, I decided to just stick with the most economical and less time-consuming option - a point and shoot camera. I hope she proves to be a worthy investment and companion on this trip. Got to thank Tina and Josh for accompanying me to Low Yat and giving much insightful opinions.

On a side note...

It was 4 months ago when we planned for the technical conferences and exhibitions. And now, 4 months is up, and i'll be leaving this weekend. How fast time flies indeed. It is definitely going to be an intimidating yet interesting trip, as I'd be travelling with the Managing Director (my boss) and 2 Directors. Though we're all colleagues, yet the ranks do intimidate. I just hope i live up to the expectations the bosses have of me and return from the trip with loads of good ideas and inspirations that would help generate returns for the company in some way. I know i've been really fortunate to be given this opportunity and priviledge that no others have, and I hope it reminds me to be thankful of this blessing God has poured out for me.

There's loads to prepare and pack and the pressure of everything is just overwhelming.

Reminders to self:

- Be humble!

- Make the best of the opportunity!

- Make life count!

- Take great photos! And lots of them!

- Step out of the box and comfort zone!

- Be courageous!

- Be sociable!

- Don't whine and complain!

- Get phone card to call home! and call home every night!

And....

- Don't flirt! ;)

Ahhhh, the anxiety is building up! Better get back to work ...

RSA Animate : True & Inspirational!

The suprising truth about what motivates us and SMILE or DIE.

The Royal Society of Arts (RSA) is superbly amazing and awesome.

Taking Risks

A month plus ago, I saw an advertisement by The Star hiring for journalists in the northern branch. I read through the requirements and pondered on the possibility of applying for it; taking the particular clipping out and keeping it together with my stack of miscellaneous notes within the organizer. Then came the next day, and as I went through the same routine of going through the classifieds section, I came across the very same ad. This probably went on for about a week plus and every time I came across the advertisement, there was this particular feeling growing within; a nagging nudge to just take the plunge and go for it, with no expectations whatsoever. And so i succumbed, after much pressure from within, telling me that I would regret had I not attempt to even apply.

I clearly remember that night when I sat in front of the television while drafting the cover letter. I spent hours trying to pen my thoughts and words as best as I could to justify my application (since I came from an entirely different background of education and work experience) and all I had to back me up was the little exposure I had being in the Editorial Board and the occasional writing I did for The Boys' Brigade, coupled with proclaimed passion for this field. I've always envision myself being part of a publication when I was younger, but because of the lack of confidence in myself and my writing, I never pursued it with great enthusiasm. All that being said, that night, I was really proud of myself for writing quite an awesome cover letter. At least, to my own opinion. :)

So just a day before the application dateline ended, I took a day's leave from work and got myself on a bus to the northern office, to submit my application by hand. Mom asked me why I had to go all the way up to deliver my application by hand, and honestly, I don't know why I decided so. Perhaps, it was for the sake of assurance that they would receive my application and it wouldn't go missing in the mail or the application be forfeited because it arrived past the dateline.

2 weeks later, I got a call, asking me to go for an interview AND writing test. Because of my Jakarta work trip, I had to re-schedule to an earlier date, just 2 days before my Jakarta trip. When I was up in Penang for BB PESTA, I thought it would be convenient to kill 2 birds with one stone and attend the interview then too. But, then again, a later date would give me ample of time to prepare for the writing test. So i opted to make yet another trip up on a separate day the following week.

Because of all the rush in completing 5 days worth of pending work, as well as for the Jakarta and Singapore trip, I had no time to prepare properly for the writing test. Everyday was just passing in such a quick pace and when I realized, it was already a day before my interview and I hadn't even booked my bus ticket yet! I panicked and all the scrutiny that I had to endure that day didn't make it any easier. But by God's grace, I managed to get a ticket, and print some notes on journalism to read while on the bus.

The big day came and rain came down. (Cool, it kinda rhymes) The entire state was in a massive traffic jam and stand still for hours because of the heavy rain and one particular massive accident, and so, instead of being driven to the place of interview as initially planned, I had to drop my friend off at work and drive myself there with reliance only on the GPS. What a way to start the day. I was really upset because of all the unforeseen circumstances but again, thankfully, it all worked out..from the lost driving, to the interview and to the writing test.

I'd like to think I did my best with little expectations of the outcome. Why? Cos' part of me hoped I would get it, while another part of me hoped I wouldn't get it so that I wouldn't need to face the dilemma of taking it up and leaving my current employment or rejecting the offer. I'm weird like that. And i do not like dilemmas! :)

To cut the long story short, I got called yesterday to go to the KL headquarters for medical check-up. Out of 12 applicants, 5 were shortlisted and I am one of the lucky ones. Good news in some ways and bad in some other ways. It's a really tough decision to make as it would mean leaving behind all that I have here, and pursuing something entirely different which I may or may not excel in. It is the insecurity of the future that scares me. I do not want to make a wrong decision and regret it, knowing how ways lead on to ways and how this decision will affect my life's direction.

I am, at a crossroad, a fork in the road.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both." - Robert Frost

It is at times like this, that I wished God spoke to me even more. His opinion is what matters most to me. If He decides I should leave and take up this opportunity, I would, even if it means receiving objection from family, and bosses. But if He decides I should stay and let this interesting opportunity pass, I would, even if it means regretting for awhile for not allowing myself to explore something new. My fear of making a decision is not because I fear the responsibility and consequence that comes with it, but because I fear making a decision that will displease Him.

Funny how a close friend asked me this when I told her of my situation. "Did you pray to God telling Him that if He makes a way and opens the door, that would be a sign of His approval for you to take it up?" Of which i answered, "Yes."

And as I read ODJ last night before going to bed, this particular passage and devotion that I read first randomly, caught my attention. Maybe this is His way of comforting me and guiding me with this situation.

**************

ODJ: RISK TAKERS

July 4, 2010
Read: Joshua 1 : 1 - 9

One of the saddest accounts in the Bible is 
 recorded in the Old Testament book of Numbers
 (chapters 13-14). It’s the story of the Israelites who had previously been miraculously delivered from a life of backbreaking slave labor in Egypt.


This generation had witnessed the 10 plagues in Egypt and God parting the Red Sea (Exodus 7-14). For nearly 2 years, they journeyed through the wilderness following a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. And every day God caused manna and quail to fall from the sky (Exodus 16). He even kept their clothes from wearing out as they endured the elements and strain of desert life (Deuteronomy 8:4).


That’s impressive!


And now, as we tune into Numbers 13, we see that God finally had His people on the verge of conquering the Promised Land—and they wouldn’t do it. Outside of Caleb and Joshua, the leaders refused to step up to the challenge. They said that the Canaanites were too big and powerful. They told the people they were like “giants” and referred to themselves as “grasshoppers” (vv.31-33).


As a result, God made them wander aimlessly around the wilderness for 38 years (within a few miles of their God-given destiny) until their generation died off. 


How tragic! God had rescued them and led them to a new life in a new land. But they refused to take a risk with Him. 


If there is one thing that the stories of the Bible tell us again and again, it is this: Following the God of the universe into the purpose of our lives always involves meaningful levels of risk (Joshua 1:6-9). 


Taking a bold and gutsy risk is not the absence of faith. Sometimes it’s an expression of our faith in Him. —Jeff Olson

"This is my command. Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the Lord Your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

What do you think God is telling me?

That whatever I decide, He is with me. Whether i take it up, or not.

Or is He telling me that I should take this risk and trust Him?