Celebrating 35

3 months ago knowing that I will turn 35 this year, I had the idea of making a list of what I consider to be my top 35 achievements over the course of the 35 years of my life. Just because it's a cool way of celebrating turning 35 and 35 also seems like a good checkpoint to take stock of my life. The idea seemed simple but when I got to no. 10, it was beginning to feel like a challenge to make it to no. 35. I didn't finish making the list in one go. The process was more difficult than I had imagined. Instead of giving me the boost in confidence I had expected, I was feeling insecure with low self esteem instead midway through the process."What?! You consider this a life achievement? It's so mediocre." - these were the thoughts that would fill my mind. I know, I am my own worst critic, all the time. 

Long story short, finally, after 3 separate attempts, I finished the list. 

Top 35 achievements throughout my 35 years 
(Not in order of importance)

1.     Completed my MBA by 30, with High Distinction
2.     Scored an A for my MBA Economics assignment
        (a subject I really dislike and have 0 passion for)
3.     Being a mother 
4.     Endured a 10 hour labor without epidural
5.     Made it to Everest Base Camp 
6.     Visited all South East Asia countries except Timor Leste
7.     Published 2 papers in journals
8.     Made a prefect in school
9.     Scored CGPA 3.67/4 for my BSc(Hons)
10.   Made it to Dean's list during undergraduate studies 
11.   Score straight A's for Primary School Achievement Test
12.   Scored straight A's for Lower Secondary Achievement Test
13.   Scored 5 A's for Upper Secondary Achievement Test
14.   Got around parts of Germany on my own with 0 help from the locals
15.   Did the working holiday program in New Zealand, first solo long haul flight +
        backpacking experience
16.   Participated in a public adventure race
        (participation is an achievement in itself because it was totally out of my
        comfort zone) 
17.   First applicant and recipient of the President's Badge for 2nd SJ Co. 
18.   Scored 100% for one of my Spanish tests and had the highest score overall
        for the sub-modules
19.   Won first place in a school coloring competition 
20.   Completed undergraduate studies without any financial help from parents
21.   Obtained high performance ratings for 8 years consecutively
22.   Directed an evangelical play in church
23.   Led worship in front of 200+ people (several times)
24.   Delivered a safety moment in front of 300+ people 
25.   Managed SAP implementation and delivered go live in 1 year (as per plan)
        despite having 0 knowledge on SAP at the start of project   
26.   Enabled the company's ISO 14001 certification in 1 year
        despite having 0 knowledge on ISO at the start of the project and
        0 consultant support
27.   Made the commencement of operations in Tok Bali possible in 3 months
28.   Shortlisted to represent school in a writing competition.
29.   Got married
30.   Being able financially to support 2 mortgages
31.   Awarded a scholarship for undergraduate studies
32.   Conquered my fear with the helicopter underwater escape training 
33.   Conquered my fear of public speaking at 17 
34.   Completed my swimming lessons (knowing how to swim!)
35.   Choral Speaking national champion team 

Will need to add 5 more to the list before I turn 40. Got to try hard to make the additional 5 extraordinary! 

Adios 34..... Hola 35! 

Miracle

One for the "diary" - a testimony too personal to share in writing and in detail but too major and surreal that it cannot be forgotten, ever. 

The dream itself was a rare occurrence, the first for the year or perhaps years.

What are the odds of the event happening an hour right after I dreamed about it? Especially when it is something beyond my control. 

It was His way of answering my prayer for the last 3 years, His way of giving me affirmation that He is in control of the situation. 

A gentle reminder through a miracle. 

"When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen. Isaiah 60:22" 

embracing digitalization

My very first robot, finally! 

15 September 2020 - my first day back into the office after working remotely for 6 months! 

It was short lived though... only worked for 2 weeks and then the CMCO was re-implemented. 

I look much better with a mask on. 

August - the month of delightful memories

5 years ago on the first week of August; we had our first meal together @ Souled Out. 

And on 8th August, my favorite person in the world turned 3! 

First ever birthday party in school! 7/8/2020

This is my wish for you:

Comfort on difficult days,

Smiles when sadness intrudes

Rainbows to follow the clouds,

Laughter to kiss your lips,

Sunsets to warm your heart,

Hugs when spirits sag,

Beauty for your eyes to see,

Friendships to brighten your being,

Faith so that you can believe,

Confidence for when you doubt,

Courage to know yourself,

Patience to accept the truth,

Love to complete your life.

- by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bangs for the memories. LOVE IS IN THE hAIR

Front bangs - yay or nay?
10 years younger, Japanese vibe... 

Side bangs - the usual, less maintenance

Which one do you like me in?

Revelation of the day: Male hairdresser (with tats on arm) gently washing my hair and giving me a head massage is definitely in my list of top 3 favourite experiences. :p  

Double trouble ;)

First hair-cutting experience

Not too bad for a first timer! 

The satisfied customer :) 

The culinary journey continues....

The culinary journey continues.... 

Sushi time! Learning the basics from Mama Choy and hoping to apply the basics for making gimbap in the future. If there's one dine-in experience I've really missed in the last 3 months - it would be being in a Japanese restaurant, having sashimi, ebi tempura, saba and unagi. Next in my online purchase list - sushi making tool kit.

7 June 2020

Marion Grasby's tomato egg-drop soup. I love how simple she always makes cooking look, and how her recipes always use common everyday ingredients that are readily available in the kitchen. 

A beautiful little moment

Today's little moment which will become tomorrow's precious memory. 

Enjoy the little moments in life. One day, you will look back and realize they were the greatest moments in life.

blue and bracing

The latest addition to our two-wheeler family. 

I'm happy when I see you happy. 

Culinary journey

I'm not much of a cook. Thanks to the Movement Control Order, I've been able to experiment with cooking more and I'm pretty pleased with the outcome of these dishes at first try. A culinary journey worth documenting :) 

Sweet and sour pork. Attempt date: 23 April 2020

Curry gravy for noodles. Attempt date: 4 April 2020
Recipe: Papa Choy 

Oyster sauce chicken. Attempt date: 4 April 2020
Not masterchef level but was definitely Chinese restaurant level plating and taste

Chicken chop with mushroom sauce. Attempt date: 18 April 2020

Chicken rice with bean sprouts. Attempt date: 19 Mar 2020
Sam's birthday gift request - to cook chicken rice for him and his buddies.
My first time deboning an entire chicken, and it was a huge ass chicken of 2kgs!
He was super super pleased with the coriander sauce (his favourite sauce) and the entire dish in general.

Wan Tan Noodles. Attempt date: 15 April 2020

More culinary adventures coming soon! 

-------

On a separate note, surpassed my previous stay-in record. Longest period of staying in the house without leaving is now 12 days (29 March 2020 - 9 April 2020). Did not lose my sanity and managed to keep depression at bay. 

Three nights ago I lost my cool. It was a rough day dealing with work, the kind of day that makes me want to call it quits for good. And then, Carina spilt soup on herself, the dining chair and floor - adding to the mess that needed cleaning. Feeling frustrated, I raised my voice at Carina and she cried. I felt really terrible after, for letting out all my pent up frustrations at her. I watched her sleep that night, holding on to her hand, thankful that she is forgiving, praying in my heart that she would find happiness in her life and in her future marriage, a man that would love her unconditionally and treat her with respect. 

All I needed was a little act of kindness, of empathy, of respect; proof that I am not alone and that we have equal responsibility in this journey of marriage and parenthood. Instead, I'm given apathy and silent treatment.

Never go to bed angry and with unresolved issues - thats what our premarital counsellor advised us. Yet we have slept with anger and bitterness for 3 nights, my eyes tired from tears. The tears flow even as I pen my thoughts and feelings. 

Will this silent treatment end? Will love overcome pride?

.........

Pandemic pick-up lines

Damn, these pick-up lines are so good! The person who thought of them is brilliant.

1. Restricted movement or not - you've locked down my heart.

2. This virus is so infectious, just like you.

3. Soap and water may wash away a virus, but no amount of washing will wash away my feelings for you.

4. I have maggi mee….will you marry me?

5. Are you infected with the virus? Cos you take my breathe away.

Gift of time

Today: Day 11 of the Movement Control Order.
5 days 21 hrs / 141 hours (from 22/03/2020 1400hrs until 28/3/2020 0845hrs)  - the longest I've ever stayed indoor without leaving the house.
Had to leave the house this morning for groceries as we were running low on supply. Even at 8.50am there was a queue into the grocer.
Feels surreal that this is happening in Malaysia and in a lot of other countries around the world.
Is the end time drawing near?
 
The statistics are alarming but the fear (of death, of losing a loved one) really kicked in when someone I knew became part of the statistics yesterday.
The fear of returning home after my visit to the grocer. "What if I get infected unknowingly despite all the precautions? What if I'm asymptomatic but end up infecting my loved ones and they succumb to the virus?"
 
Am I prepared if the worse was to happen? I'm not. And the thought scares me.
 
The elusive and temporary gift of time - to be with Carina, to do the chores I've always wanted to do but never had the time to, to rest, to read, to blog - while I still can.
 
They say "live each day like it is your last". Easier said than done.
 
 
 

Lingering emotions

Come to me tonight when everyone's asleep

Say you love me

I keep seeing you deep in my heart

But you feel like the wind passing by me

Even if I have to worry about losing you every day

I want to have you in my life

Even if it breaks my heart because it is a dream that can't come true

I'd like to sincerely dream of the future