I've come to realize that certain memories of the past are beginning to fade. I can only remember vaguely the incidents that happened in the past, both good and bad ones. But yet, I doubt the vague recollection of these memories that I have. Did it really happen that way or am I just remembering it the way I want to, with a pinch of salt, giving it a much bearable "taste" with a slight added deviation to the truth?
To be honest, I can't remember any incident or happenings of my life with clear definition. They all seem to be in gray, slightly blurred at certain angles, just like an old television with undefined reception. Is this a common phenomenon? I really don't know..
I've come to realize too that it's easy to forget, because there's only so much our brains can store but the feelings accompanying the incidents usually linger for a much longer time. I clearly remember how certain incidents left me feeling, but I can only remember vaguely the words said, or the actions done. I can't quote them in accuracy and that bothers me.
There is an old adage which goes "with time, comes healing" (or maybe something along those lines) which I find true only to a certain extend.
(Speaking only about the bad experiences) I believe I've healed from the bitterness of the past. I don't sob myself to sleep every night anymore, and neither do I let it affect me in great measure. Whatever it is, it's not bugging me 24/7 anymore. Perhaps, it is safe to say that I have moved on, no longer exhibiting the living-in-the-present-but-dwelling-in-the-past symptom. Yet, personally and honestly, I know there's still a small part of me holding on to that tiny fraction of the past, that I have yet to fully let go of it all. Instead of being weighed down by 100 kilos of remorse, disappointment and insecurity, it has probably been decreased to about 10 kilos.. (i hope)
Anyway, it's a daily process and I'm still learning to let go, to accept the fact that not every beautiful beginning in a story has a guaranteed happy ending; as much as one may hope for it to because who knows what the great Author of our lives has in mind for this story of ours. I do not like the ending of some of the stories I've had, but I've also come to realize that resistance is futile. The plot's been played, and the stage's been graced. I just pray and hope that circumstances and most importantly, divine intervention would lead me to another book, another story, a different chapter of my life but with great reading pleasure altogether.
Disclaimer:
I'm not being emotional but rather, enticed by certain events of life to reflect.
Penning my thoughts down eases my brain capacity a little and acts as a back-up drive in the event I get dementia/dementic and forget it all. I just want to be able to remember all the bits and pieces of my life.
To be honest, I can't remember any incident or happenings of my life with clear definition. They all seem to be in gray, slightly blurred at certain angles, just like an old television with undefined reception. Is this a common phenomenon? I really don't know..
I've come to realize too that it's easy to forget, because there's only so much our brains can store but the feelings accompanying the incidents usually linger for a much longer time. I clearly remember how certain incidents left me feeling, but I can only remember vaguely the words said, or the actions done. I can't quote them in accuracy and that bothers me.
There is an old adage which goes "with time, comes healing" (or maybe something along those lines) which I find true only to a certain extend.
(Speaking only about the bad experiences) I believe I've healed from the bitterness of the past. I don't sob myself to sleep every night anymore, and neither do I let it affect me in great measure. Whatever it is, it's not bugging me 24/7 anymore. Perhaps, it is safe to say that I have moved on, no longer exhibiting the living-in-the-present-but-dwelling-in-the-past symptom. Yet, personally and honestly, I know there's still a small part of me holding on to that tiny fraction of the past, that I have yet to fully let go of it all. Instead of being weighed down by 100 kilos of remorse, disappointment and insecurity, it has probably been decreased to about 10 kilos.. (i hope)
Anyway, it's a daily process and I'm still learning to let go, to accept the fact that not every beautiful beginning in a story has a guaranteed happy ending; as much as one may hope for it to because who knows what the great Author of our lives has in mind for this story of ours. I do not like the ending of some of the stories I've had, but I've also come to realize that resistance is futile. The plot's been played, and the stage's been graced. I just pray and hope that circumstances and most importantly, divine intervention would lead me to another book, another story, a different chapter of my life but with great reading pleasure altogether.
Disclaimer:
I'm not being emotional but rather, enticed by certain events of life to reflect.
Penning my thoughts down eases my brain capacity a little and acts as a back-up drive in the event I get dementia/dementic and forget it all. I just want to be able to remember all the bits and pieces of my life.
1 comment:
thats y i started bloggin also, cuz my memory is no good, so when im 60 ill go back through my posts
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