Through It All

The Lord faithfully provides again.

He turned my shortcomings into something others saw as beauty, as a gift.

He turned my mourning into dancing; and my worries into joy.

He gave me courage, hope and support in so many ways when i least expected it.

I knew.
All i had to do was to trust and wait upon Him, cos no way i was gonna make it on my own.

All credit goes to Him, cos i don't deserve any of it.



O Lord, I wanna sing of Your faithfulness to me!
Thank you for seeing me through it all...

A testimony...

About 3 weeks ago, I was approached by SirLoh to worship lead for BB Sunday. The both of us had done it together last year in 2007 and because there was a wedding just days before it, I got myself a sorethroat, a really bad one (thanks to the yaaaam-sengggg sessions). I was thinking to myself, "How am I gonna sing? with a croaky voice, there's no way I can lead the congregation to genuinely worship God. I'm only going to be a hindrance, a stumbling block". Not forgetting, we had a song presentation too and I had a solo part, and was to be the first to sing. "I am so gonna screw it up!", that was what I kept telling myself. Thankfully, I managed to pull through the 2 services in the Subang church, and even got some good feedback from the congregation! I was thankful, and grateful. Then, came the next challenge. We had to do the same thing for the Pantai church, another 2 services. That week, my voice was at its worst. Nothing I did helped. I managed the first service but when it came to the second service, I gave up. I literally had no voice coming out of me. I got someone to replace me at the very last minute to sing, while I continued to lead the musicians downstage.

And so, when SirLoh approached me to do it again this year, I had second thoughts. Because I didn't think I was good enough to do it all on my own this time. But as usual, he's rather persistent and because of my love for music, I was inclined to say yes. And so, with BB Sunday 2008 just 2 weeks away, practices went underway. We met up almost every night to practice and guess what?? Mr. sorethroat decided to give me a visit, AGAIN! I was so convinced that I was jinxed and that God really didn't want me to worship lead because the cycle repeated itself again. The same time, the same symptoms, the same team of musicians, the same ME, the same situation, the same event! Everyone questioned why I was having sorethroat again, just like last year but yet, they were very encouraging at the same time. Always praying for my throat, my voice and telling me to stay away from late night mamak sessions, cold drinks, kissing (ish,not that I have anyone to kiss at the moment), fried and spicy food,and etc etc etc.. I really didn't want to screw it up this time and disappoint those who entrusted me with this responsibility.

I started taking all sorts of preventive measures. Bought tonnes of hacks sweet (supposedly good for sorethroat), visited the coffee shop every night for some honey lime drink, not singing in the shower too much and too loudly, and of course, not singing aloud while driving. The outcome? It didn't go away! Anyway, came that Sunday morning, D-Day and when I woke up, I croaked! I couldn't sing properly. I had loads of phlegm in my throat and I was trying my utmost best to spit them all out! Tried singing and my sister said "OMG, you're so doomed! How are you gonna worship lead like that?"
I was panicking. It just had to be today that my voice is at its worst again. That was when it crossed my mind. Worship isn't about me singing well, it's about leading others to genuine worship to God. I shouldn't worry because my voice, isn't and shouldn't be the focus, but God is. And I said a prayer. "God, if it's Your will that I have a sorethroat, so be it. Whether it's my croaky voice or not, let me just praise You and worship You with all that I am. But I will wait on You, Lord and hope for a miracle, for a speedy miracle, even if there's only 2 hours left before I get on that stage and lead the congregation for worship. I will trust You, God. Because, that's all I can do. It's too late to rely on my own strength. And I'm sorry I ever did rely on my own efforts. Help me, Lord. Amen."

He did help me. He answered my prayer. My voice wasn't at its best but neither was it at its worst anymore. When I sang those hymns of love to Him, I didn't really think about the sorethroat anymore. It went alright, perhaps well too, according to some of the feedbacks I got from some of the church members. But there was this one incident. An uncle, probably in his 60s, came up to me personally and commented on my voice. He encouraged me to sing more in church, to serve God with my voice..That comment made my day. It made me realize and acknowledge even more how great our God is, that He can so effortlessly turn my predicaments into something that inspires others. But more importantly, that He is a faithful God. To be honest, this experience humbled me a lot. I owe a big gratitude to the entire worship team as well, for backing me up always, having so much faith in me and putting on their best in talent for God. Wouldn't have made it without them.

I am considering to help out in the worship team, but I am still undecided. But one thing I do know, is that singing is something I'm passionate about, although I am definitely not in the league and likes of Alicia Keys, Avril and all the other big names of people with power voices. I love singing, and I wanna sing for Him, for the rest of my days.

" I'll sing to You, Lord, a hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all "