random ramblings

So..its New Year's Eve..hmm..WHAT ARE MY PLANS??

My boss, Mr. J called (that was really random of him..but oh well..its a good thing i guess?) and asked what are my plans for New Year's Eve and i said i had no plans! (why did i have to be so stupidly honest?!! then again, we're not suppose to lie..) and he went "What??!! No plans?? Come on! You're still young! etc etc etc.."
And there i was..given a lecture (all the way from Singapore) on how i should be enjoying life and doing something because i am still young of age..sighz..now he must think i;m some boring girl!

i kinda regret not lying. i should have said i was going to have some drinks and chill out with some friends, but i didn't. would he even bring me for social outings next time? haha..i doubt it.. but talking about having some drinks and chilling out, i really want to do that.. i guess i just don't know who to call?
siv told me he wanted to introduce me to his bunch of close friends but i havent heard from him for 5 days now..and he's all the way in JB.. wow, another disappointment i guess.. how things have abruptly changed in such a short duration of time. but that's life. i dont want to be depressing about it but naturally, i become depressed about it. sucky feeling totally..

met up with some high school mates and some of them are pretty good drinkers. its the drinking that helps them socialise and meet more people. sometimes, it seems like drinking makes them happy too. from the outside it seems as though people who drink are really happy cheery people. are they?? this isn't a good thought but sometimes..i do wish i belong in that category as well..an inner desire to be a competent alcoholic drinker.

while driving to work, every radio station was practically talking about resolutions. honestly, i cant even remember my resolutions for this year! how frustrating.. and demoralising..

i wanted to see the doctor yesterday but i waited for 45 minutes and the doctor hasnt even arrived. i gave up waiting and drove away.. my flu got worse (as usual) and this time, while blowing my nose, i discovered tiny globules of blood in my mucus. whoa..awesome discovery.. the blood globules really stand out and they were perfectly spherical in shape. showed it to my sisters..haha..major amusement for all.. anyway, it was really difficult to inhale and exhale and breath with only ONE functional nostril, and this went on for 4 days! i could hardly smell let alone have a proper taste of my food. Another sucky feeling totally..

couldn't sleep last night too, despite being very tired physically and mentally.. don't know why.. had to bribe my body into having some roti canai with hopes that it would surrender and rest, but no luck.. was up for another hour.. decided to do a proper prayer (one without me sleeping off while praying) and so, i talked to Him for a good long half an hour. i must say.. prayer is a powerful healing tool. For 5 days, i had been stupidly relying on my own ability (and perhaps even the doctor's ability) of trying to rid myself of the flu and cough but He cured it within a night. Awesomeness i would say :) God, you totally rock!
i guess i didn't want to bug Him with such petty issues, thinking i could solve them all on my own cos He's got better things to worry about but i realize that He wants to know it all..small or big the burden..

she looks pretty when she smiles..

i wonder why she doesn't smile as often as she should..

she seems like a different person yet similar in some ways..

perhaps beneath those smiles, she is as insecure as i am?

Go away-lah, flu!

I'm as sick as a dog.. have been so for the past 3 days..
i hope its nothing serious..
*cough cough cough*
Being sick with no one to pamper you with TLC is horrible..maybe that's why i;m not getting better..but shouldn't i be used to the loneliness and singlehood by now? haha.. funny eh..
When will my knight in shining armour come?? sighz... i don't even mind if he doesn;t have an armour..

:( :( :(

It's just not the same anymore.

The fear of what is to come has come.

Nothing is what it seems sometimes.

It's all just a facade.

Am i thinking too much or is it just you who's not thinking enough?
How do i stop then? How do i stop myself from feeling the way i do?

Wheee!

At 10am, i got a suprising message..

"Hi Alicia. This is Zandra from FBC. Chee Seng and I are leading Christmas service and are wondering if u would like to sing backup. Practice is at 7pm tomorrow night at FBC. Let me know asap. Thanks."

I wanted to be in the main worship team, but never had the guts to approach the Worship Coordinator.
And today, i get a message from them..should i be elated?

I am... wheeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! :) ;) ;p


** God, is this You making a way for me? If it is, or even if it isn't, thank you for hearing the tiny whispers of my heart..for creating this "stepping stone" for me so that i can have courage to pursue bigger and greater things for Your glory..though it may only be a part-time thingy (who knows..they may never call me again next time), i hope things would work out for the better and it would become another full-time ministry that i can serve You in..thank you again, for Your faithfulness and blessings..

So soon..

Another year is soon to come and go. There is only a little more than a week left to usher in the new year, denoting a new chapter. So quickly, and we run out of time again..

This last 1 1/2 weeks of December feels like a week of final assessment. Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas too..perhaps its due to my procrastination in planning and getting things done. It is at this point of the year too that people start to look into plans for the year to come. Some seek to be better, some seek to reach goals, while some are content with the way things are. Which am i?

This year saw many happenings, both in the global perspective as well as personal. I think whatever happened, big or small, significant or insignificant, they all become baggages that will be carried together with me into the future and i want to try to lose some of that.. :)

Reminder to self:
Do not forget the true meaning of Christmas..that Christ became human so that God's will be done.. it's not about the giving of gifts..

movie-marathoning

Jason Statham...ooolaalaa..

The Transporter 3 is a must watch.
But Benji said Transporter 2 was nicer..hmm..

List of movies to watch:
Transporter 1
Transporter 2
Death Race

...thats all for now...more to come im sure...wheeeee!!!! :)

dilemma

i really want to get away on the 26th.. but it seems very unlikely that i will be able to..
i know its a selfish attempt but it's something i have always wanted to do for myself..something i've wanted to cross out of the checklist a long long time ago..
i know it all seems silly and last minute and too "adventurous" but where's all the fun if everything was so pre-arranged and predictable?

i wanna get away but i wanna be at the dinner as well..cos its gonna be an encouraging time of sharing and pot-blessing..lots of yummy food..kids to play with.. etc..

i dont know...what do i do?

dilemma..

so many places i wanna go to..yet... :(

blah..

Goodbye

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left, you kissed my lips

You told me you would never, never forget

These images
No

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Expectations and disappointment

When you have certain expectations, there's bound to be disappointment when those expectations are not met. When you don't have expectations, disappointment will still find its way to taunt you.

I want neither of it.. it's making life so miserable..

But i find solace in His words..

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.....Endure hardship as discipline. God is treating you as sons (and daughters)... " Hebrews 12

A reminder to self:

Stop putting your hopes and expectations on people. They MAY disappoint. God doesn't.

When filled with disappointment, anger and frustration, GET A GRIP AND MOVE ON! don't dwell in the zone too long.. its damaging.

Last but not least, good or bad..take it all in with a SMILE..

Easier said than done..haih..urghh..

Medley frenzy

This is so cool! the singing is not bad, the drumming quite cekap and the guitaring is chun! Found it on YouTube and it totally made my day :)

Now, i wanna do something like that too. I just need to recruit 2 more "band" members/crazy friends willing to embark on this medley madness with me..i'll do the vocal of course! hehe..

Any takers? No experience needed; just a musically-inclined soul will do. Guaranteed satisfaction at the end of our attempt ;p

Haha, enjoy anyway!

Twilight

What is desperation?

This is desperation. When "someone" who just touched down in KLIA from Singapore, took her 12kg suitcase, along with her overloaded laptop bag and handbag; without heading home first..grabbed a friend along (for chaffeur services, companionship and storage purposes) and went to catch the latest movie released --> TWILIGHT

Ahhh... No regrets :)

I love the spontaneity of life, haha!

* It's a great feeling to finally ease my anxious heart of all the waiting and anticipation; and what more to finally have a face to each name of the cast.. I love you, Edward Cullen.